Critique: Hope Restored Marriage Intensives Are Not the “Miracle” Abused Wives Seek

If you are new, read this first: This is Part 1 of a series on Hope Restored Marriage Intensives. Click here for Part 2 on children. Click here for my survey on 5 major marriage intensives. Click here and here on past attendees stories. Click here for a review of their therapy model outlined in Restoring Hope. Click here for an analysis of their study. 

About me: I’m a devout Evangelical Christian who attends church, tithes, volunteers, and serves. I’ve been leading divorce recovery groups in conservative churches since 1998. I have donated thousands of dollars to Focus on the Family. I’ve listened to their broadcasts since the 1980s, subscribed to their magazines, and gotten dozens if not hundreds of their books. I sent my kids on their overseas Brio missions trips. I am criticizing Focus on the Family’s articles on abuse and divorce. I am not criticizing their other articles on adoption, foster care, politics, or other topics.

Critique: Focus on the Family and their Expensive “Hope Restored” Marriage Intensives 

(Click HERE for video version of this blog post.) Imagine that your spouse treats you meanly: sometimes belittling you, criticizing you, mocking your opinions, indifferent to you, or even hitting you or the kids. Imagine that you hear about a $6,000 marriage intensive run by the top Christian counselors. You’re so desperate, you’re willing to do anything.

But is it a good use of your money? Your time off of work? Your energy and effort to find a babysitter or pet sitter? Does it really work?

The short answer is “No.”

1. NO say abused and betrayed wives. it didn’t fix their abusive or unfaithful marriage. (See 3 stories below. Also, see my YouTube video on the results of a 2023 survey I conducted on the most popular marriage intensives. None of the top marriage intensives or overnight marriage retreats had great track records–not even the most expensive ones. After the intensive, 7 in 10 couples had divorced or separated, and others indicated that divorce was in the future. Only 24 of the 330 survey participants were “happy and married,” so fewer than 1 in 10.)
2. NO scientific evidence. On September 26, 2025, at the American Association of Christian Counselors World Conference, Hope Restored’s founder indicated that there has never been a substantiated (peer-reviewed) study of the program’s effectiveness. In 2011, the leaders of the program did a in-house study of 1,043 couples. At Year 2, they got responses from only 84 couples, and 13 of them were divorced (so about 85% still married). The vast majority, more than 900 couples, didn’t reply to their 24-month survey. The authors agree the study wasn’t empirically validated, and called for a better study to be done. That was 14 years ago. It hasn’t happened yet—and that’s a red flag to the scientific community. Click HERE for the video explanation. 
3. NO, according to Hope Restored’s own website, which says they may suggest you seek alternatives if you are facing current abuse, addictions, or infidelity. They state in their official manual, Restoring Hope, on pages 271-272, that doing couples work in these situations is harmful to the victim and is ethically irresponsible. But elsewhere in the book, and in the anecdotes, they note that they will take clients in these horrific situations as long as the client says they believe God can do a miracle (and have $3,000-$6,000). The statement below does not fully qualify as a legal disclaimer for a mental health provider under U.S. law and FTC regulations. A valid legal disclaimer generally includes clear language about the limitations of the service, risks, non-guarantee of outcomes, and instructions for crisis situations, along with any mandated disclosures for client rights and provider responsibilities under state and federal law.

The president of Focus on the Family, Jim Daly, says their results are miraculous, but are they?

Despite these claims, Focus on the Family has declined to provide independent evidence verifying such outcomes. (See their response to my email below.) They ask the public to accept their reported success rates on trust alone—but where is the proof? They admit they don’t have scientifically validated evidence. 

No peer-reviewed, neutral 3rd party scientific study exists under the program’s current or former names—Hope Restored or the National Institute of Marriage. The only known data comes from an internal marketing report that the organization itself produced. In that study, 1,043 couples were contacted about their marriages two years after attending. Fewer than 10 percent responded—only 84 couples in total. Of those, 71 reported they were still married, which is how the organization arrived at its oft-cited “85 percent success rate.”

Such a tiny, self-selected sample makes the findings statistically unreliable for scientific validity. In fact, the small number, may indicate that a large number of people were disappointed in the program, but didn’t want to say anything. In short, the claims of miraculous success rest on data that would not meet even the most basic standards for independent scientific validation.

Hope Restored is Promoted as the Emergency Room for Desperate Marriages

The president of Focus on the Family, Jim Daly, calls Hope Restored “marriage ER.” ER means “emergency room.” In other words, he’s saying this is a program for marriages that need emergency intervention. The average person knows Jim isn’t talking about marriages that need a few more communication skills, problem-solving techniques, or conflict-resolution strategies. These are really bad marriages, ones that are destructive or dangerous, not merely disappointing.

It would be reasonable to assume that anyone willing to pay $6,000 is desperate. There might be child abuse, violence, serial adultery, property damage, coercion, threats, criminal behavior, pedophilia, family-destroying addictions, or extreme indifference and neglect.

Image below is a screen capture from the Hope Restored website quoting Jim Daly as saying that Hope Restored is “marriage E.R.,” and that avoiding “divorce court” is the goal. 

What Jim doesn’t seem to understand is that there are worse things than divorce. There’s suicide, homicide, domestic violence, and child molesting, for example. And Harvard published a study that found that when the new divorce laws were passed in the 1970s, and crime rates were compared about 10 years later, the suicide rate of wives dropped 8-16%, the domestic violence rate by and against men and women dropped 30%, and the homicide rate where the wife was the victim decreased 10%. Divorce saves lives.

But notice how Jim Daly defines an “emergency”: It’s a marriage that is headed to divorce, a marriage that might end legally.

Most reasonable people would define emergency differently.

They would define domestic violence as an emergency. They would define a cheating husband or wife as “an emergency.”  They would consider a child-abusing parent to be “an emergency.”  And the past 30 years of family research has consistently shown that abuse is worse than divorce for the victim and the children, yet I’ve never seen these landmark studies mentioned on the Focus on the Family website.

Is the goal to avoid divorce or to fix the marriage and make it safe?

Apparently, avoiding divorce is their true goal. Their goal is not the emotional well-being and safety of the marriage, even though they claim they do repeatedly in their manual. Their ideology appears to value one thing: to keep your marriage legally intact and side-stepping safety. They do this by shifting the burden of safety to clients, and not doing a professional assessment in advance. They admit that doing marriage therapy where there is violence, emotional abuse, infidelity, and subtance abuse, is contraindicated (not safe, not ethical). But by asking the couple if they feel they could be safe for the week of the intensive, they abandon their professional responsibility to assess and shift the liability to the clients. See this post for the discrepancies between what clients expect and what Hope Restored delivers.

The Hope Restored website asks “Are you open to God working a miracle in your marriage?” Does anyone notice the strange wording? “Are you open…” makes it sound as if you’ve never been willing before, even though you’ve prayed, fasted, and begged the Lord to do a miracle for years. The wording suggests that if you are having doubts that your marriage can be fixed, then there’s something wrong with you. And if you admit that you no longer believe a miracle is possible—or that divorce may be necessary—they end your therapy altogether. Here’s the statement from their Focus Marital Therapy model manual, RESTORING HOPE:

“However, spouses who are already determined to exit their marriage and reject the possibility of a miracle from God are respectfully and sensitively referred to other resources for marriage dissolution therapy… If the client is unwilling to work toward that objective, therapy is respectfully terminated.” (Restoring Hope, the official therapy manual for Hope Restored, p. 191)

Are Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored Marriage Intensives Safe?

If you’re researching Hope Restored marriage intensives by Focus on the Family, safety should be your top concern—especially for couples facing abuse, infidelity, or emotional harm.

Based on numerous firsthand accounts, many participants report that the Hope Restored program fails to provide adequate safety measures. Several former clients have described experiences where their emotional or physical safety was compromised, raising serious questions about the program’s screening process and therapeutic practices.

For a detailed comparison between Hope Restored’s marketing claims and the real experiences of 44 past attendees, see this in-depth review.
You can also read another analysis featuring direct quotes from former participants describing how the program’s approach to “healing” often left them feeling unheard, unsafe, or spiritually pressured.

Before investing in a Hope Restored intensive, especially if there’s any history of abuse or betrayal, take time to explore independent reviews and survivor accounts. In marriage counseling, faith without safety isn’t healing—and informed decisions save lives.

BREAKING NEWS: Hope Restored May Be Violating FTC Advertising Rules

As of September 26, 2025, Hope Restored has never provided scientifically valid evidence to support its extraordinary claims that marriages—even those involving abuse, infidelity, or addiction—can be “saved in under a week.” At the 2025 AACC World Conference in Nashville, the organization’s booth displayed this message:

“Hope Restored by Focus on the Family. A marriage in crisis can be saved in under a week.”

Such claims appear to lack any reasonable scientific substantiation, as required by Federal Trade Commission (FTC) guidelines. According to the FTC:

“The FTC focuses on preventing deceptive, unfair, and misleading advertising. For mental health and substance abuse programs, this means marketing must be truthful and substantiated. All claims, especially those about treatment effectiveness, must have a reasonable, scientific basis. For addiction services, guarantees of recovery are explicitly prohibited.”

In other words, making therapeutic success claims without independent, scientific proof can constitute deceptive advertising—something federal law strictly forbids.

– 1. YOUR SAFETY IS LESS IMPORTANT TO HOPE RESTORED THAN YOUR MARITAL STATUS 

They state that their concern is that you’ll go to divorce court, as their president Jim Daly says on this Hope Restored web page. In their advertising, they state that impending divorce is the crisis they seek to solve. It appears that your safety is not their #1 priority. Focus on the Family’s official statement does not condone divorce for physical violence or emotional abuse, so their own doctrinal position endangers abuse victims and their children. Did you know that Jim Daly wants to overturn divorce laws, which will make it harder for abuse victims to freedom?

– 2. HOPE RESTORED’S UNETHICAL ADVERTISING

Hope Restored and Focus on the Family president, Jim Daly, use the word “miracle” and “miraculous” in their advertising. They also play on people’s fears of divorce, and use spiritual manipulation, suggesting that you don’t have enough faith if you aren’t “open to God doing a miracle” through their program. They have just shifted the responsibility for the success of the marriage intensive to you. Abuse victims hear the message: If you don’t experience a miracle, it’s because you didn’t have enough faith. This is devastating. They leverage people’s distress because Focus on the Family’s official doctrinal statement does not condone divorce for physical or emotional abuse, suggesting that the only option an abuse victim has is more counseling and reconciling. Jim Daly twists Scripture when he misquotes Malachi 2:16, stating that “God hates divorce in every case.”  An abuse victim may conclude that they are trapped for life and that Hope Restored is their only option because anyone who chooses to divorce deserves God’s wrath.

This appears to violate the American Association of Christian Counseling Code of Ethics Paragraph 1-820 in three ways:

(1) Sensational or exaggerated claims
(2) Exploiting fears or distress
(3) Expressing unique or unusual helping abilities (such as hinting at their ability to do miracles and mentioning miracles frequently on many of their web pages).

– 3.  SERVING TWO MASTERS: DONORS WANT TO SEE DIVORCES STOPPED BUT CLIENTS WANT SAFER MARRIAGES

Focus on the Family has run ads to attract donors who wish to “Stop Divorce,” without any exception for abuse, pedophilia, or serial infidelity. Merely “avoiding divorce” is also the stated goal of one of Hope Restored billionaire donors who “challenged the leadership team at Hope Restored in 2010 to make a dent in the country’s divorce rate” Source. It appears that donors who simply want to lower the divorce rate—without much concern for making marriages safe—feel that Focus on the Family is aligned with their goals. Hope Restored has an ethical problem. It cannot serve two masters: donations and safety.

This long narrow advertisement inviting donors who want to “STOP DIVORCE”  was run by Focus on the Family recently. (The larger meme, incorporating their ad, is one I designed.) FOTF promptly stopped using its ad. 

I created this meme critiquing their ad (below).

– 4. VIOLATES CHRISTIAN COUNSELING ETHICS CODES.

Making unsubstantiated claims is unethical, at least it appears that way, based on the American Association of Christian Counselors Ethics Code Paragraph 1-890 and 1-890-j.  Hope Restored is supposed to use accepted research standards in “all research activities,” which includes post-counseling surveys. The research needs to be “ethically planned and competently conducted.” But participants of Hope Restored tell me that the multiple-choice follow-up surveys do not give enough negative options. They felt the survey was biased to the positive. They felt stuck. One woman contacted Hope Restored to tell her story because the survey didn’t offer a multiple-choice answer that fit her situation (that her husband cheated on her after the marriage intensive).

And Hope Restored is required to honor any formal request for the original data so that the study can be replicated.

Also (below) you will see the email I wrote to them asking for proof of any study that’s been done on improved marital satisfaction. They refused to give me any evidence that any study had been done.

–  5. HOPE RESTORED’S OWN SURVEYS CLAIM THEY FAIL TO ACHIEVE A “MIRACLE” in AT LEAST 1-IN-5 MARRIAGES WITHIN THE FIRST 2 YEARS.

When Hope Restored brags about its success, it’s usually about how many marriages are still together two years later. For example this 2019 statement on president Jim Daly’s personal blog about Hope Restored’s 80% success rate of keeping couples married for two years. (Remember, that a lot of divorces where there is abuse or other serious allegations take more than 2 years to finalize.)

Take a look at Jim Daly’s 2016 claim of nearly 85% of marriages saved from divorce. Note that 3 years later, they reduced that success rate to 80%, which means 1 in 5 marriages ended up in divorce anyway.

People who attended a HOPE RESTORED marriage intensive and later had to divorce to escape abuse say that this marriage intensive, run for years by the same highly paid leadership (even though technically the ownership changed), pressures the wife to be better but lets the husband off the hook. Here’s one woman’s story about spending $16,000 and going to three 5-day programs, all at the Branson, Missouri, location run by Robert Paul, and Mark Pyatt, and co-founded by Greg Smalley.

(And speaking of Dr. Greg Smalley, his own daughter got a divorce, which he’s described publicly. If the guy who co-founded Hope Restored and his wife who is a counselor/coach there cannot fix his own son-in-law, what makes him think his program can fix your destructive spouse?)

Notice how Focus on the Family is getting more cautious about their success claims. It used to be nearly 85%, now 80%. They are willing to admit they fail to keep 1 in 5 couples together within 2 years. And they ought to be even more cautious. I did a survey in 2023 of people who had attended Christian marriage intensives. Some 330 people responded, and many of them mentioned Hope Restored. Eight in ten of those survey participants are divorced or separated today, and only 25% said they would recommend it to others. I’d recommend someone do a larger survey with a more representative sample, but for now, it sure seems that Hope Restored makes big claims that cannot possibly be true. To see my video on the surprising survey results, click here: https://youtu.be/Qhzd3BtmgQ4?si=whjmpfHxvW19X2V_

– 6. HOPE RESTORED’S SURVEYS DON’T USE SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH METHODS, according to PARTICIPANTS  

Hope Restored made a new claim on their website, that marital satisfaction had “significantly increased” too.  When I saw the claim about improved marital satisfaction, I was curious. I had never seen them make that claim before. Surely they must have had a new survey done. If so, I’d love to know the specifics.

• • • Who did the survey?
    • Did it meet scientific standards?
    • What were the questions? How were they asked?
    • How many couples did they survey?
    • Was it the entire group of prior attendees?
    • And if so, how many years did they go back? How many couples did not respond at all?

These are very important questions. You see, marriage intensives don’t have a good track record for abuse situations. I have hundreds of people in my 5,000-member online group who say they attended one or more multi-day marriage intensives or retreats, such as Hope Restored or Weekend to Remember. And they didn’t fix anything-at least not for long. Any “miracle” was short-term. In the end, they needed a life-saving divorce to protect their life and sanity because their spouse didn’t actually become safe.

One woman wrote to me and told me about the HOPE RESTORED survey she received. Her husband had cheated on her after the Hope Restored marriage intensive. (I’ve edited it slightly to conceal her identity). She says the follow-up survey didn’t offer answers that fit her situation:

“Yes, we attended Hope Restored in the fall of 2021, just a month after I discovered my husband’s ongoing infidelity. Four out of the five couples were there because of infidelity. The counselors never addressed sin. They never spoke to [my husband] of his complete and total lack of remorse and repentance. I sat there in trauma the whole time weeping. I hoped that if he could get beyond the shame that we could restore our marriage.

“…[at the] one-year anniversary of our intensive, I received the survey from Focus. [It was] unbelievable. It was so skewed towards the positive that there were not even answers in the choices I could select. I emailed and I called in and explained my dilemma, and how terribly wrong things have gone for me in the year since coming to see them. No one ever followed up. Our outcome doesn’t suit their narrative.”

Another woman said she never was sent a HOPE RESTORED survey-

“Oh, we didn’t even make it 4 months out. About 8 months after the intensive I asked them to remove me from their email list as my husband and I had separated and I was too heart broken to keep seeing their tips for how to communicate or date or super basic things that don’t help any “ER” situation like we were in.”

So, if Hope Restored doesn’t send out surveys to all participants, and if they don’t offer open-ended answers or the option for negative answers, then it appears their failure stats could be far higher than they admit.

I wrote to Hope Restored, using the email on their website. And here is the reply I got. Short version: thanks for your questions. Sorry, we are unable to give you any evidence of our claim. But here are more claims that we won’t give any evidence for.

Window into the Real Story

I did an independent survey in 2023 of people who had attended Christian marriage intensives or multi-day marriage retreats. It was a unscientific study, yet 330 people responded, and many of them mentioned Hope Restored. Seven in ten of those survey participants are divorced or separated today, and only 6 in 44 said they would recommend Hope Restored to others. I’d suggest someone do a larger survey with a more representative sample, but for now, it sure seems that Hope Restored’s claims that cannot possibly be true. To see my video on the surprising survey results, click here: https://youtu.be/Qhzd3BtmgQ4?si=whjmpfHxvW19X2V_

At the bottom of this article are three first-person stories from participants whose marriages didn’t improve. I have more stories that I haven’t shared yet. In my opinion, Hope Restored cannot prove they have increased marital satisfaction beyond the first few months. Think about it: How can any licensed therapist who has any integrity claim that in three days, or even six days, anyone can fix a violent batterer, a pathological liar, a serial cheater, or an addict?  They can’t.

But Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family, continues to make statements like this…

Focus on the Family Does Not Condone Divorce for Physical or Emotional Abuse

And remember, Focus’s official policy prohibits divorce for physical abuse and emotional abuse, no matter how violent. The abuser can lock their family in a room, restrain them with chains, beat the children, and put a gun to their spouse’s head, and Focus on the Family still does not condone divorce. They claim that they get desperate phone calls about spousal or child abuse, but they refuse to view divorce as a valid option. Here is their own official divorce policy statement. If you read their policy, they tell the victim to adopt a “zero-tolerance policy toward abuse,” but those words are meaningless when facing a chronic abuser. It’s a toothless threat coming from an organization that categorically opposes divorce for abuse, excuses abusers, blames wives for their husband’s behavior and makes false claims that divorce is worse for kids than abuse.

So if You Wish to Attend, That’s Up to You

If you want to attend, and say you did everything you could to save your marriage, then, by all means, do it. Many people of deep faith need to feel they tried everything. If you want to give it “one last chance,” to appease your pastor or parents, go for it. Just go in with your eyes open, and guard yourself against the spiritual manipulation that suggests that your faith and good example will fix your destructive marriage. If YOU aren’t the abuser, cheater, or addict, you cannot fix the abuser, cheater or addict, no matter how godly you are. No matter how righteous your prayers are, God doesn’t override people’s free will. Watch out for “minimizing” and “misdirection,” too. For example, the manual will suggest that your “feelings” of anger are the problem. But what if your feeling of anger is normal and understandable? For example, if your spouse destroys your mobile phone deliberately, cheats on you, or steals your wedding silver to pay for a drug/alcohol addiction, your feelings aren’t the problem. The behavior directed at you, the behavior that led to your feelings, is the problem.

These programs fail a lot. If 1-in-5 couples divorce in less than 2 years, then how many are divorced at the 5-year point? Maybe another one or two couples out of five? Divorcing a spouse with a pattern of deception, cheating, or abuse is a process that might take more than two years to finalize. Perhaps it’s better to use $6,000 to hire a good attorney instead.

One woman said, ” I spent more on our intensive than the divorce itself.”

More than 200 people in my private Facebook group (made up of mainly Christian marital abuse victims) say they’ve attended multi-day marriage intensives or retreats that did not do a “miracle.” I often ask if they know anyone whose marriage did a 180-degree turn after one of these intensive. They usually point to those marriages that had struggles of everyday life external to the relationship, such as job loss, illness, financial reversals, or the death of a family member, not the ones with abuse, adultery, pedophilia, or addictions.

One woman who finally found peace by getting a divorce said:
“Much of the trauma that I seek healing from is from the misplaced trust that I put in these professionals who “shared my faith” and sought to save the marriage and keep the family together at all costs.”

Yet People are Desperate and Hope Restored Brings in Money

As of the 2024 tax year, their IRS 990 forms indicate they brought in $8 million from these marriage programs. 

We know that 1-in-4 highly religious couples in the U.S. have experienced intimate partner violence with their current partner, the vast majority of them are Christians, so there are plenty of Focus on the Family listeners who eagerly sign up. Focus hires a big-name advertising agency to send out millions of messages every year via direct mail and their million-name email list. To give you an idea of their advertising efforts, they paid Ambassador Advertising Agency more than $10 million in tax year 2014. But that’s nothing compared to their income. Their website says they’ve helped more than 7,000 couples in the past 20 years. At $5,000 per couple, that would be $35 million dollars.

(Focus on the Family asked the IRS to reclassify them—from being a “nonprofit” to being a “church”—so they aren’t required to share their financials (IRS 990s) publicly anymore. However, they do have portions of their 990s, and the names of their board, on their own website.

Note: Hope Restored has gone through at least two other names, but it appears that some of the counseling leadership has stayed consistent (Greg Smalley, Mark Pyatt, Robert S. Paul, etc.). It’s origins begin with a controversial Christian counselor, the late Dr. Gary Smalley, Greg’s father, who founded the Smalley Relationship Center. (He and wife Nancy did a very troubling interview a year or so before his death.) 
—On Dec 29, 2003, Smalley Marriage Institute was incorporated in the State of Missouri on Dec 29, 2003 (Charter # N00558959).
—On June 7, 2005, Smalley Marriage Institute’s board resolved to merge with Christian Ministry Associations, Inc., of Texas (all under the name of Smalley Marriage Institute).
—Oct 3, 2005, Smalley Marriage Institute changed it’s name to National Institute for Marriage in the State of Missouri (Record: P-T0525716536). 
—On July 3, 2015, the State of Missouri registered Focus on the Family as the owner of National Institute for Marriage (Record: X001223526) They announce their relationship here. 
—In 2016, Focus on the Family promotes Hope Restored, and sends people to sign up at the National Institute of Marriage website. 
—As of 2025, Focus on the Family claims that Hope Restored has been helping couples since 2003. 

But we do know this from people who’ve attended, Hope Restored isn’t good at fixing abusive, addicted, or cheating spouses. They teach things like communication skills. And frankly, learning communication skills doesn’t fix abusers, cheaters, or addicts. It just gives them new information that they can use against you.

Abusers are clever. They know that Focus on the Family insists on reconciliation in cases of abuse. They count on Focus on the Family to side with them. That’s why they aren’t afraid to attend Hope Restored marriage intensives. Especially in the case of abusive husbands, the men are confident the counselors there will put pressure on the wife not to divorce him. In contrast to how they treat wives, the counselors give husbands a lot of praise and loving “support” for acknowledging their difficulty in controlling their emotions.

How do I know? I have interviewed many people. I have more than 200 members in my private Facebook group who say they’ve attended one or more overnight marriage intensives or retreats and their marriages got worse.

In part 2 of this series, I document Hope Restored’s attempts to manipulate participants to believe that divorce universally destroys kids, which it doesn’t. Research shows that 8 in 10 kids of divorce turn out fine, with no long-term serious emotional, psychological, or social problems.

The shocking truth one attendee discovered… 

“My husband had tried to kill me….  Hope Restored staff prohibited me from talking about the abuse”

We did three week-long intensives. The first week-long intensive was court-ordered. We went right after our 2-year restraining order ended. (He had tried to kill me.) An off-duty police officer had to guard my door at night while we were there. I hadn’t seen or talked to my husband, other than in court, for 2 years. Boy, did he put on an act for the staff. The therapists LOVED my husband. They encouraged me to get back together with him. Told me it was safe. They pretend to be the experts but they know nothing about how to get abusive men to stop abusing. They prohibited me from talking about the abuse we were enduring. Sure, they sometimes have tools that helped me in other relationships. Nonetheless, through talks with the founders of Hope Restored, I came to understand that every intensive, marriage weekend getaway, etc., is always a manipulative stunt used to make the organization a lot of money. They are not interested in learning how to protect and help those that come to them that are being abused.”

The staff I interacted with were: Robert S. Paul, Mark Pyatt, Bob Burbee, Gary Brugman, Brett Sparks, Christine Arnzen, and Ken Bryant.

Another Hope Restored participant said… 

“I wish they would be upfront about their program”

“When you arrive at the Michigan retreat, they give out a book that says that certain kinds of situations will not change. My husband’s serial adultery was one of them.  I wish they would be upfront. But they took our money anyway. At least 3 of the 5 couples in our program were in seriously destructive marriages, and I stayed in touch with them. They haven’t seen a miraculous change. We had good leaders, including Ryan Pannell, and I thought he did an excellent job. But our marriage was at a level they couldn’t fix. I felt safe and comfortable, and they did mention the possibility of divorce, but bottom line: The program is not what they advertise.  In front of the Hope Restored staff, my husband would admit his fault, but behind closed doors, it was all my fault and he continued his affairs. I don’t think my hope was restored, and I told the staff that. My pastor and my family supported my decision to file for divorce.” 

A third Hope Restored participant said, 

“If there is abuse in your marriage, Focus on the Family will not be your answer”

“The counselors focused only on communicating the ministry’s marriage model and learning communication skills, nothing else.  Childhood abuse from parents, porn use, psychological and emotional abuse appeared avoided, even though attendees cried as they shared the impact of these events on their individual lives….

“I asked the head counselor, “How can I apply what you are teaching to my situation?”  His answer was, “I can’t help you.” Yes, you read that correctly.  Moreover, the only wisdom he added was, “He is not a safe person for you.” There you have it.  $4,000 later, and I hear, “He is not safe for you.”  “I cannot help you.” That is the overall summary of their advice to me during the week.

“I went to Focus on the Family for help, but in return, I received a heavier load than I carried before.  Anyone who studies narcissism at any depth quickly learns that narcissists do not see themselves as victims but as superiors.  My husband has openly admitted to this. But after being sympathized with as a helpless victim, he grew stauncher and more arrogant in his resistance to me and health in our marriage.  If the counselors had any heart or even any serious training on these issues, then maybe the story could be different.  But in light of my experience, if there is abuse in your marriage, Focus on the Family will not be your answer.”

A Hope Restored participant said, 

“They make it impossible to contact your counselors later on.”

It appears that the counselors get no feedback after the marriage intensive is over. Perhaps that’s why they sound so happy and hopeful on the marketing advertisements. Maybe they don’t know how poorly things turned out for you.

One participant said, “… they don’t give us access to any of the counselors. We spent thousands of dollars counseling with [those therapists]. There is no way to follow up with the people who actually know our story. There’s no way to connect with them at all. They make it impossible to actually give legitimate feedback”

A Hope Restored participant paid $4,000

Edited lightly for anonymity: Mine was $4000 (the 4-day intensive)…and I never responded to their post-intensive surveys because nothing in my marriage changed. Their 4-day intensive did nothing to address abuse. My husband hardly participated in the group exercises until the last day and the very next day was verbally abusive in the car. I had to find out from a follow-up call that the therapists who were in charge of the intensive put in their notes that my husband had narcissistic traits. But they never addressed any personal issues or traits while we were there. I guess if hadn’t I talked with them afterwards, I never would’ve known that. My husband never even picked up the book we received to go through it and work on everything they taught us about communicating better. He thought it was a joke. He actually was kind of right.

What Do They Teach at Hope Restored Marriage Intensives?

Vice President Robert S. Paul wrote the Hope Restored Marriage Intensive manual. He’s been part of Hope Restored since the early days when it was called the Smalley Institute and National Institute of Marriage. The stated goal on their website is to keep you married. That is their only success metric. The very first thing they do is try to scare you that divorce destroys kids. The first 4 pages are dedicated to that mission. For actual quotes see “Part 2: What does Hope Restored Teach about Kids and Divorce?” The manual uses all kinds of gaslighting and manipulation to convince victimized spouses that their feelings are the problem, not the arrogance or cheating or violence that caused their feeling of anger, betrayal, and fear. Instead of calling a spade a spade, they call these marriage-destroying sins “buttons” that your spouse pushes. This makes the injured spouse feel guilty in some way for their feelings, and for letting their “buttons” be pushed and reacting, rather than putting the responsibility where it belongs: on their spouse’s abuse or adultery or drug/alcohol/gambling addictions.

(Below, screenshot from the participant manual, page 19)  Here is a shocking statement in their manual: that the abuser, cheater, liar, or addict is not to blame for causing their spouse fear.  It is YOUR reaction to their sinful conduct and attitudes that’s the problem. it’s the FEAR CYCLE (now called the Reaction Cycle) that’s at fault. What unbelievable nonsense.

“One of the most powerful things about actually seeing your fear cycle is that you can begin to see that the very things you do in reaction to your button getting pushed, in turn, push your partner’s buttons…. No one person is to blame for a fear cycle, both partners contribute to the lack of relational safety.”

If your cheating or abusing spouse feels a “lack of relational safety,” so be it. The Bible says we are to “not associate” and “not even eat with” such people. Their fear is real, and it’s good for them.

What utter rot. So a malicious, egotistical, lying, or cheating spouse is not to blame for making his/her spouse’s life fearful, tense, scary, or chaotic? He/she actually gets off the hook entirely!  Hope Restored mutualizes the problem. They try to tell you it’s not the adultery or the coercion that’s the problem.  It’s the FEAR CYCLE!  [I’m shaking my head. Who wants to pay $6,000 to be told this silly stuff?]

(Page shown below) The manual includes exercises where victims share their deepest fears with their abuser, which is dangerous to their safety. Hope Restored naively tells you to give your spouse new ideas and ways to hurt you. Couples counseling where there is abuse is unethical and possibly even illegal. The manual also paints a picture that divorce would harm the kids for life, even though 30 years of research says that some homes are so bad, divorce is beneficial for children.

Hope Restored Counselors (last known list publicly posted on their website)

What kind of people want to work for a marriage intensive like this?

These people do!  Remember, these counselors have no skin in the game. It’s not their life, well-being, children, future, physical health, financial stability, or mental state. You are paying them.

List Updated October 22, 2025. Historically, for many years, Hope Restored publicly listed their counselors and coaches on their website including names, degrees or designations, and photos. Below is the public list from Oct 22, 2025. The webpages listing the staff were removed on or after December 5, 2025, however you may find older versions on Internet Archives. (If you no longer work for Hope Restored, please contact me at lifesavingdivorce.com/contact).

I will no longer update this list until Hope Restored publicly publishes a new list.)