One Woman’s Story: When “Pray Harder” Isn’t Enough

by gbaskerville | Jan 20, 2020 | Adultery and Infidelity, Christians and Divorce, First-person stories, Standers

Portrait of upset offended frustrated woman with man

One Woman’s Story: Adultery, Prayer, and When “Pray Harder” Isn’t Enough

The Burden Many Christian Women Carry Alone

If you are asking, “How can I save my marriage?” or “How can I get my husband back?” you are not foolish. You are loyal. You are hopeful. You love God and want restoration.

Many Christian women try to save their marriages alone. They pray harder, submit more, and forgive repeated betrayal. They believe that if they can just do enough, God will fix everything.

This is the story of one woman whose husband walked away—and kept coming back just enough to keep her hoping.

What she discovered may free you from carrying a burden that was never yours to carry.

When Faith Becomes a Formula

This mother of four did everything she had been told a “godly wife” should do. She prayed, sought pastoral counseling, forgave repeated adultery, and clung to hope long after others could see the truth.

What finally set her free was not less faith. It was clearer faith.

Here is her story.

My husband had moved out, and for the next several years I tried everything to win him back. We had pastoral counseling because I believed God hated divorce, and I refused to give up on the marriage.

Our pastor interviewed us separately and finally told me, “This man is determined to leave; let him go.” That’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted the pastor to fix him. I wanted my husband to be changed magically.

To make matters worse, my husband found a fourth woman and moved into her house right across the street from us. At the same time, he was coming over, spending time with the kids, and occasionally acting as if he wanted to reconcile.

I was in a fog of confusion. He said we would get back together soon. I took any positive comment or act of kindness as a sign of hope. He just kept stringing me along, and I fell for it.

I gave up hope and figured out a way to kill myself. The day I decided to die, my three-year-old daughter said, “Mommy, you’re not going to leave like Daddy, are you?” That stopped me in my tracks. I turned around and knew I had to stay alive for my children.

One evening, the truth finally hit me: My husband is sleeping with this woman. They are living together. I shook myself and asked, “What am I doing?”

Later I went for a drive and prayed. I felt the Holy Spirit free me from the spiritual obligation to continue trying to save my marriage.

I knew God hated divorce, but I also knew God had taken the burden off my shoulders. I was free and felt God’s blessing. The next week I found a paralegal and filed for divorce.

Please Reach Out for Help

This story includes suicidal thoughts. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988 in the United States. You can also visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Support is free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day.

Why She Stayed—and Why It Wasn’t Stupidity

This was not stupidity. It was attachment under stress.

Betrayal created pain. His occasional kindness and promises created relief. That relief felt like hope. Spiritual pressure made leaving feel like failing God.

One faithful spouse cannot singlehandedly create a faithful marriage. Prayer matters, but prayer is not a lever that overrides another person’s choices.

God can heal any marriage. But “God can” is not the same as “God must if you pray hard enough.” Jesus refused to test God by demanding a miracle in Matthew 4:7.

Sometimes clearer faith means facing what is true and releasing the burden of fixing someone who refuses to change.

What Happened Afterward

This dear woman raised four children with very little financial support. Money was tight, but peace returned. She went back to school, completed her degree, found better work, and started a church ministry for single mothers.

Years later, after her children were grown, she married a wonderful man who truly loved her.

“I have no regrets,” she said. “God was always faithful to me and my children.”

For more on this, see chapter 3 in The Life-Saving Divorce.

For more on this, see chapter 10 in The Life-Saving Divorce.

Get the Life-Saving Divorce Book

The Life-Saving Divorce is about divorces for very serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, life-altering addictions, abandonment, or severe neglect. This book will give you hope for your future, and optimism about your children. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.