Romans 7 Does Not Teach “Marriage Ends Only at Death” One argument against divorce that I hear occasionally goes like this: Romans 7 says a wife is bound to her husband as long...
Myths
Safety Is Biblical: When a Marriage Becomes Harmful
Getting to Safety Is Biblical When a Marriage Becomes Harmful Almost every time I say, “Safety is biblical,” someone pushes back and brings up one of the 8 standard objections....
75% of Divorced People Are Happy (GSS 2024)—So Why Does the Church Say the Opposite?
Here’s Why That Misery Message Persists—Even When the Data Says Otherwise I often hear church leaders and Christian organizations repeat a familiar warning: Divorced people are...
27 Ways Churches Gaslight Abuse and Betrayal Victims (And the Biblical Truth)
27 Ways Churches Gaslight Marital Abuse and Betrayal Victims Faith should be a refuge. But when someone is being abused or betrayed, church culture can accidentally (or...
Forgiveness That Lets An Abusive Elderly Parent Off the Hook
Forgiveness That Lets Abusive Fathers Off the Hook Why Focus on the Family Still Echoes Dobson-Era Harm For decades, James Dobson shaped how conservative Christians talk about...
Are “Traditional Marriage Vows” Biblical? How Focus on the Family Misuses Them
Focus on the Family’s “5 Traditional Marriage Vows”: Are These Even Biblical — and How Are They Misused? Recent Focus on the Family social media and article present five phrases...
The #GreaterThan Campaign’s Divorce Pivot Misses the Hardest Truth
Divorce Hurts Kids—But Abuse Hurts Them More (A Response to the #GreaterThan Campaign’s Divorce Pivot) This post responds to the campaign’s claim that “divorce hurts kids” by...
Christian Divorce Testimonies: Does God Bring Couples Back Together?
Christian Divorce Testimonies: Does God Bring Couples Back Together? A Question Survivors Ask With Trembling Hope One of the most common questions I hear is: “Are there any...
Why Calling Divorce “Contagious” Hurts Christians Who Need Community
When Saying “Divorce Is Contagious” Misses the Real Story A response to Erin Smalley—and the Christians who spoke up against her view In 1998, I met a woman in a Sunday school...
What Is DARVO? How Abuse Survivors Are Silenced by Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim Offender
What Is DARVO? How Harm Is Silenced by "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim & Offender" Why You Feel Unheard When You Name Harm If you have ever told your story and mentioned...
Why Trying to Fix an Abuser Doesn’t Work
The Hard Truths about Abusers: Myths, Motives, and Recognizing Reality The Myth that the Victim's Unconditional Love will Cure Them So many women and men who reach out for help...
Gray Divorce: One Woman Tells Her Story
Why Do So Many Retirees and People in Long Marriages Get a Gray Divorce? Why Older Adults Risk Everything to Leave a Destructive Marriage While interviewing Christian divorcees...
The Myth of “Hollywood Divorces” in Christian Communities
Rebuttal: The Myth of "Hollywood Divorces" in Christian Communities The idea that Christians are divorcing because of so-called "Hollywood influences" oversimplifies a complex...
There Is No Divorce Crisis — There Is a Marriage-Endangering Sin Crisis
If you're new to my blog, read this first. I'm a committed Christian who started leading Christian divorce recovery groups in Evangelical churches in 1998. I write about...
The “40x Abuse” Myth: What Research Really Says About Single Moms and Stepfamilies
Debunking the Myth: Are Children of Single Mothers Who Date or Remarry “40 Times More Likely” to Be Abused? In the world of social media, it’s easy to stumble across shocking...
Marriage Myth: It Takes “Two to Tango” and “All Marriage Problems are 50/50”
This is Myth 7 of 27 Myths about marriage and divorce that aren't likely to be true of people who love God and take their faith seriously. These messages make us worry if we're...
Divorce Myth #1: Most Divorces Are NOT About Falling Out of Love
Divorce Myth #1: Most Divorces Are Not About “Falling Out of Love” Why People Really Divorce: Abuse, Adultery, and Addiction Are Often the Final Straw The Church Must Stop...
“Marriage Is Hard. Divorce Is Hard.” No—That’s Not the Choice
Critique of the Saying, "Marriage is Hard. Divorce is Hard. Choose Your Hard" There's a meme going around the internet and it starts with the line "Marriage is Hard....
“If I Divorce, Will My Children Divorce?” No. They are likely to have lifelong marriages.
If I Divorce, Will My Kid's Marriage End in Divorce, Too? Most adults whose parents divorced do not divorce. They are likely to have lifelong marriages. The majority of...
Why Did I Stay So Long When I Had Serious Grounds for Divorce?
Why did I stay so long when I had 100% serious biblical grounds for divorce? I asked this question in my private Facebook group, and here are some of the answers I received...
Top 5 Myths About Divorce that Don’t Apply to Christians and Others of Deep Faith
5 MYTHS OF DIVORCE THAT DON'T APPLY TO COMMITTED CHRISTIANS (OR TO OTHER DEEPLY RELIGIOUS PEOPLE) Let’s face it, well-meaning friends and family and even counselors give us...