Is Jordan Peterson Right about Women and Divorce?

Is Jordan Peterson Right about Women and Divorce in This Video?

This week's question comes from a woman in my co-ed online divorce recovery group, the Life-Saving Divorce, made up of people who needed a life-saving divorce to escape a destructive marriage.  So if you are new to my blog, be aware that most people in my group are religious conservatives who were brought up to value marriage, but found themselves in such destructive situations they had to leave to save their lives and sanity, even if they risked being stigmatized by their churches and friends.

This week's question was from a woman who had seen a short video posted by a social media influencer:

"Is Jordan Peterson correct when he says that women initiate divorce in 75% of the cases and that it is because women are more neurotic than men?"

Let's take that question and break it into individual pieces. It's only fair to see what he said, not what people told us he said, right? So here's the link to the video clip from Jordan Peterson. Please watch. It's short. If you watch the clip, you'll see that Peterson's answer has some nuance, so it's best to listen to his actual words. Also, I would recommend you keep an open mind and turn to demographers and family researchers for expert insights.

1. Do women initiate 75% of divorces?

It's probably not as high as 75%, but it is higher than expected. According to Stanford professor Dr. Michael Rosenfeld's 2017 study, about 2-in-3 divorces or 66% to 69% percent of U.S. divorces are wanted by the wife. The same is true in Europe and Australia.

When you look closely at the factors, it's no wonder that women initiate divorce proceedings more frequently than men. Men cheat twice as much. Men are five times more likely to be highly violent (criminally violent) and twice as likely to have a substance addiction so serious that professional treatment is recommended. But no one talks about that. Jordan Peterson doesn't mention that, at least not in this video. People who like to shame women often use this 70% statistic as a "gotcha." It’s not. Divorce is a complex issue and grasping for an easy answer doesn't help the situation.

2. Are women more neurotic (negative) than men?

In his video, Peterson does NOT say that neurotic women are the main reason for divorce. He says it's one of many factors. (Below, we will talk about some other factors.)

The Big 5 Personality Test measures five domains:

—(1) Openness to experience,

—(2) Conscientiousness,

—(3) Extraversion,

—(4) Agreeableness and

—(5) Neuroticism

Women indeed tend to score higher in neuroticism than men do. Neurotic traits can include (but not necessarily) anxiety, depression, anger, and irritability. Peterson suggests that some of this is natural because women are primary caregivers to infants, so an overly protective stance is understandable.

But what Peterson does not tell you in this video is that women also score higher than men on Agreeableness (being cooperative and prioritizing social harmony) and Conscientiousness (self-discipline, being emotionally well-regulated). It's fair to say that people who behave well and enjoy cooperating may have considerable tension and conflict when living with those who don't. So while women's perceived negativity may be one reason, it may not be the primary reason.

3. Can We Blame Neuroticism for Women's Higher Divorce Initiation Rate?

No, I don't think so, because most marriages are happy. About 8 in 10 people currently in heterosexual U.S. marriages say their marriage is "very happy" or "pretty happy" as of 2022. If women's negativity was a serious problem, it seems that number would be lower. But what about bad marriages? To answer the question we need to look at why MEN divorce and why WOMEN divorce. Do they divorce for the same reasons?  Are there any deal-breakers that both men and women agree are equally divorce-worthy? Yes.

4. Why Do Men Divorce? Why Do Women Divorce? - Two Studies

Study A 

Study A showed that both men and women divorce about equally for the following reasons: their spouse's infidelity, abandonment, cultural/religious differences (politics?), over-spending and miserliness, and finally, because of their own infidelity. (RIA 2014)

Men were far more likely than women to say the reason for the divorce was, "We married too young."

Women were far more likely than men to say the reason for the divorce was, "It was my spouse's immaturity, porn use, physical abuse, alcohol or drug use, or spouse's unresponsiveness to needs."