If you're new to my blog, read this first. I started leading Christian divorce recovery groups in Evangelical churches in 1998. I write about "life-saving divorces," those divorces that are for very serious reasons. "Life-saving divorces" make up nearly half of divorces in the United States. Read the definition HERE.  If you want to know why you should should have a nuanced view of divorce, see THIS. And here is the biblical rationale for condoning life-saving divorces. Although I believe many divorces are treacherous and/or sinful, I believe a loving God gave divorce to protect the lives of his beloved people, who are made in his image, by allowing them to get out of destructive marriages.



I am grateful to Iris Thompson Loomans for letting me re-post her excellent Facebook story of the Good Samaritan, Jesus' famous parable, adapted for those going through divorce.

“There once was a woman who was walking down the road and she was attacked by a man. He verbally abused her, he sexually abused her, he robbed her and he lied about her character to others. She was so beaten down that she contemplated suicide. She was so beaten that she could not move. Her wounds were not visible. They were internal.

There came a pastor and he saw her and walked right past her muttering that she should trust God more.

There came a theologian. She asked for help, and he walked right past her telling her that her abuser did nothing wrong according to the Bible.

Then came a man who had compassion on her. He was not a religious man. He didn’t go to church. He was kindhearted. He helped her get back on her feet. He listened to her story. He brought her to a therapist who could help her. He even paid for food when she couldn’t make ends meet. He helped her fix her car. He was patient with her while her inner wounds healed.

Which of these three do you think has the heart of Jesus?”

I've seen pastors walk on the other side of the road by saying they don't want to get involved, don't want to take sides, and don't want to give up on a miracle. They play it safe. They keep their hands clean. They avoid conflict. To that, I recommend the wise words of Pastor Jeff Crippen in his excellent blog post, "She’s marrying a sociopath and there is nothing anyone can do about it."


"Churches, Christians, pastors, elders!! We must STOP closing our eyes to evil among us in our churches! We must be done with this foolish naivete about wickedness. We must learn about sociopaths and psychopaths and narcissists and abusers and we must become expert — wise as serpents the Bible calls it — in discerning the tactics of these vermin. They are oppressing the sheep that the Lord has charged us with protecting. And even worse, if that sheep ever calls out to us for help, she most typically doesn’t receive any."

Divorce Saves Lives. When “no fault” divorce laws started passing one state at a time, starting with Governor Ronald Reagan in California in 1969, researchers wanted to see the effect. In states that passed unilateral no-fault divorce, they observed the suicide rate for wives drop 8-16%. The domestic violence rate by and against both men and women dropped 30%.  The homicide rate of women murdered by an intimate dropped 10%.   Stevenson and Wolfers, “Bargaining in the Shadow of the Law: Divorce Laws and Family Distress,” The Quarterly Journal of Economics (Feb. 2006): 267, 286.

Is Your Church Safe? [INFOGRAPHIC]

Is Your Church Safe? [INFOGRAPHIC]
Is Your Church Safe? [INFOGRAPHIC]

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