Harvard Study Shows Divorce Saves Lives

Even if your spouse was cruel or unfaithful, you had to prove it in court with witnesses, documents, or medical records. Your own testimony didn’t count. Many states treated divorce like a criminal trial, requiring corroboration and “preponderance of evidence.” Some standards were so high that people hired expensive private investigators to catch a clever deceptive spouse and produce air-tight evidence. Today’s private investigators may ask for a retainer up front — often $1,000–5,000 for ongoing or open-ended investigations. Most people cannot afford that.

And many kinds of abuse leave no usable evidence at all. Coercive control, manipulation, threats, and raging outbursts rarely come with witnesses or documents. A spouse who terrorizes the family by smashing objects, driving recklessly with the kids in the car, or threatening suicide can leave everyone living in fear—but none of that would have met the old legal standard.

Pedophiles avoid exploiting children in front of witnesses, and few have victims who will be believed in court, especially when the child is terrified, too young to testify, or has no physical evidence to offer.

Financial abuse also leaves little proof. A controlling spouse might forbid you from having a job, seize your IDs, hide money, or punish you for spending on groceries. Judges in the fault era often shrugged at this because it didn’t fit narrow legal categories.

Sexual betrayal is another example. Many affairs never produce letters, photos, or confessions. Even today, partners often discover infidelity through subtle behavioral changes, not hard evidence.

And then there’s emotional and psychological abuse—constant belittling, gaslighting, name-calling, angry silences, and sleep deprivation. These forms of harm deeply damage adults and children, but in the fault era they were dismissed as “marital squabbles.”

This is why requiring fault sounds simple in theory but, in practice, traps victims. For more examples, see the chapters on coercive control and safety in The Life-Saving Divorce.

That’s why the right to a unilateral divorce—being able to leave without the other spouse’s permission or mountains of evidence—is essential for anyone trapped with an abuser, cheater, or manipulator who will never admit fault or leave incriminating evidence behind.

Harvard Study Shows Divorce Saves Lives

Divorce Saves Lives

If you’re under 80, you probably don’t remember what divorce was like prior to 1969.

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