I thought it was God's will for us to marry. I prayed and asked for the Lord's leading. Did God make a mistake? Did I make a mistake? Did I misunderstand God? Was I just lying to myself? Did some sin from my past cause God to give me a bad spouse? That's what many Christians wonder when they marry someone who seemed to be loving and godly, but has a developed pattern of being destructive.


If you're a Christian, no doubt you had a strong sense that "God brought us together." What do you say when you realize the person you fell in love with isn't safe? What if the person you made vows to, doesn't keep their vows to you? What happens if your marriage is abusive or unfaithful or disrespectful or dangerous, and you are wondering about divorce.

Did God make a mistake? Did you make a mistake? Did you misunderstand God? Did some sin from your past cause God to give you a bad spouse?

I think it's worthwhile to remember that God chose king Saul in the Old Testament to be king. And for a while, King Saul did a decent job. But later, Saul lost his faith in God's power, he disrespected God, he disobeyed God. He started accusing godly people of being ungodly. He started making destructive decisions. He lied, he swindled, he tried to kill those loyal to him. And God removed him from the kingship.

—Was King Saul chosen by God? Yes.
—Was it right for him to be king? Yes.
—Was it good and right for God to choose David as Saul's successor? Yes.
—Was it okay that God removed his blessing from Saul? Yes.

So, yes, you can feel that it was God-ordained to meet and marry your spouse. You can also believe that your spouse's sinful behavior broke that special status. You can believe that following God and having a godly marriage requires TWO people to keep the covenant. Sometimes one person doesn't. Despite the prophet Samuel's prayers, King Saul didn't go back to keeping the covenant he had with God. He didn't repent in such a way that it resulted in humility and a life-long change. So God cut him loose. The chosen king became the rejected king.

Just for fun, here's an example of a famous pastor, John Piper, making the the same false claim.

Reminder: in the Old Testament, King Saul was:

  • —The RIGHT king
  • —The HAND-CHOSEN king
  • —The God-ORDAINED king... at first.

But his own lies and deceit caused God to reject and replace him with David the shepherd.

God withdrew his blessing from King Saul's life.

The same goes for a spouse who sin, betrays, and cheats. Perhaps God withdraws his blessing (in the form of a godly spouse—YOU) from his life.


Your spouse may have been a person who behaved with integrity at the beginning of your marriage. Your decision to marry them was likely bathed with prayer and blessed by your church. But having their name on a wedding certificate isn't a magical spell that prevents them from taking the wrong path and sinning repeatedly and deliberately. And we're not talking about the run-of-the-mill sins such as being in a bad mood and snapping at someone or some other sin that causes little or no injury. We're talking about the marriage-endangering sins that do damage to the safety, love, and respect in the marriage.


Are you going through a life-saving divorce? I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, "Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians." Just click the link and ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS. This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it. Supporters and people helpers are also welcome.  Also, sign up for my email list below.


Start Here

Physical and Emotional Abuse & Infidelity

God Allows Divorce to Protect Victims


Does God Hate Divorce? No, Most English Bible Translations Don’t Say That


How to Find a Good Supportive Church


What If My Pastor Says It Would Be Wrong to Get Divorced for Abuse?


Divorce Saves Lives: The Surprising (Wonderful!) Truth About Divorce Nobody Told You

Will I Ever Find Love Again? Dating After Divorce: Good News

Finding Happiness and Health After Divorce


Thriving After Divorce: These Christians Tell their Stories

Self-Doubt, Second-Guessing Ourselves, and Gaslighting

Children and Divorce: Researchers Give Hope


High Conflict Divorce and Parenting

Recommended Reading List and Free Resources for Christians and Other People of Faith


Common Myths





For more information, explanations, and first-person stories buy The Life-Saving Divorce. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.