Do Women File for Divorce 70%-80% of the Time?

The top 5 reasons that women file for divorce are [4]:

—1. Verbal, emotional, or physical abuse

—2. Infidelity

—3. Different values or lifestyles

—4. Alcohol or drug use

—5. Control freak

Women are not interested in investing in a marriage to a selfish, mean, unfaithful, addicted, negligent, or violent husband who doesn't lift a finger to make it better. (And of course, vice versa, husbands aren't interested in destructive wives either.)

Are there divorces for other serious problems?

Are there "frivolous" divorces?

Sure, there are immature, selfish divorces. There are people who divorced because they were bored or missed the party life, or just wanted the white dress and big party. But I don't see these kinds of divorces among committed Christians I meet in my divorce recovery groups at church.

Destructive Behavior Drives a Portion of Divorces

One-half of U.S. divorces are for very serious reasons, such as adultery, abuse, addictions, and abandonment of duty. If people behaved well, the divorce rate would drop like a rock…that goes for men and women. You may have noticed in the third illustration that men's aggravated assault rates reduced over the last 30 years. That is one factor in the dramatic drop in divorce rates. As of 2021, the U.S. divorce rate is lower than it was 50 years ago (and no, that's not because of cohabitation: it's calculated as a percentage of married people in the U.S. who divorce, not the percentage of all people in the U.S.). When people enter marriage, they expect it to be safe, faithful, and loving, or at least respectful. When those reasonable expectations aren't met, and that dynamic becomes a pattern, then the invested spouse (usually the wife, but sometimes the husband) wants out.

Could wives simply want to divorce for the money?

That is the claim some people make: that women are merely looking for sperm donors, and once they have a child, they oust the father and want his money in the form of child support or spousal support.  But Dr. Rosenfeld studied this hypothesis (p. 21) and found this is not the case. He doesn't see it in the data. [5]

Bottom line: If men behaved better, women wouldn’t file for divorce at such a high rate.

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[1] Dow, J., “Predicting Infidelity: An Updated Look at Who Is Most Likely to Cheat in America” Institute for Family Studies, September 21, 2020, captured online: https://ifstudies.org/blog/predicting-infidelity-an-updated-look-at-who-is-most-likely-to-cheat-in-america

[2] Sex and Gender Differences in Substance Use Disorder Treatment. https://nida.nih.gov/publications/research-reports/substance-use-in-women/sex-gender-differences-in-substance-use-disorder-treatment

[3] Lauritsen, Heimer, Lynch, “Trends In The Gender Gap In Violent Offending: New Evidence From The National Crime Victimization Survey” Criminology Volume 47 Number 2 2009, p. 379

[4] Montenegro, X., “The Divorce Experience: A Study of Divorce at Midlife and Beyond,” AARP the Magazine (May 2004), a study of individuals who had one or more divorces at age 40 or higher, accessed 1/10/20, https://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/divorce.pdf.

[5] Rosenfeld, M., "Who Wants the Breakup? The Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples," 2017. pp. 1 and 21.