How Do You Date Again When You Have Trust Issues?

Many of us are loving, kind, forgiving, and generous people. These wonderful traits make us excellent friends and excellent spouses. Under normal circumstances, we tend to be optimists, to see the best in others, and to expect the same from them.

Divorce is a rude shock to us. Suddenly our eyes are opened. We accept that the world isn't safe and some people are deceivers. We enact our boundaries and protect ourselves to deal with the harsh reality.

So naturally, when we think about dating, we are worried we will give too much, too soon, because we love to give!

(That's why abusers/betrayers were attracted to us.)

So what do we do? We don't want to be targets or prey for predators, but we like marriage and we like being nice people.

I interviewed "David" about dating again after being married to a narcissistic wife (my word, not his). He too wanted to be married again but was scared about dating.


You'll see that David is a super nice man (and super smart, he's a successful tech entrepreneur), and he describes himself as a "love and relationship addict," meaning he gives too much. He is a people pleaser. He gave too much to his ex-wife. He debased himself, always blaming himself for all their "marriage problems," driving himself into depression, despair, and suicidal thoughts.


He got a ton of therapy and discusses how he accepted his "weakness" and protected himself when he started dating again. He did remarry, and I asked how he knew he could trust the woman he eventually wedded. That's all part of this interview.

  1. Accept that you tend to give too much. You tend to apologize too much and too early. You tend to take all the responsibility for things going wrong.
  2. Tell yourself that those traits are signs of a generous person, the kind who makes a great friend and excellent spouse!
  3. But they also make you vulnerable.
  4. Look for someone who doesn't capitalize on the vulnerabilities of others in their friendships. Watch to see how they treat the friends they disagree sharply with.
  5. See if they stop you when you try to be too agreeable or try to capitulate too much to their wishes


We talked about many topics, but the part about online dating starts at minute 37:55.

If you'd like to hear about his first marriage, here's PART 1:

Do You Need Support?  I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, "Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians." ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS. This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it.


Start Here



Does God Hate Divorce? He May Hate Divorce, But He Hates Abuse & Betrayal More!


Physical and Emotional Abuse & Infidelity


God Allows Divorce to Protect Victims


How to Find a Good Supportive Church


What If My Pastor Says It Would Be Wrong to Get Divorced for Abuse?



Divorce Saves Lives: The Surprising (Wonderful!) Truth About Divorce Nobody Told You

Will I Ever Find Love Again? Dating After Divorce: Good News

Finding Happiness and Health After Divorce


Thriving After Divorce: These Christians Tell their Stories

Self-Doubt, Second-Guessing Ourselves, and Gaslighting


Children and Divorce: Researchers Give Hope


High Conflict Divorce and Parenting


Recommended Reading List and Free Resources for Christians and Other People of Faith


Common Myths






GET THE BOOK! The Life-Saving Divorce is about divorces for very serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, life-altering addictions, abandonment, or severe neglect. This book will give you hope for your future, and optimism about your children. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.



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