STEVEN CROWDER, ABUSE & NO-FAULT DIVORCE
Conservative media host and commentator Steven Crowder can be seen on a Ring Camera video berating his wife Hilary, who was at the time nearly eight months pregnant, and demanding that she handle medicine for his dogs that she was concerned was toxic to pregnant women. In the video, he snaps at her to put on her gloves to give his dogs medicine, walk the dogs, and otherwise "perform wifely duties," as she is clearly emotionally distressed.
Towards the end of the exchange, Hilary Crowder says to her husband, "Your abuse is sick," he snaps at her, saying, "Watch it. Fucking watch it." (LINK)
Apparently several months ago, Steven Crowder published a 1-minute video rant against no-fault divorce laws (LINK). Perhaps he knew that his wife was terrified by his behavior and wanted to send a message, repeating the old trope that divorcing wives are only after their husband's money, and parroting the standard talking points that abusers and their allies use.
Is "no-fault divorce" problematic? Should individuals seeking divorce have to prove that their spouse's wrongdoing?
At first glance, this may seem like a reasonable requirement, especially for those who hold marriage in high esteem, such as Christians. However, it is important to consider cases where one spouse repeatedly commits adultery, is violent, emotionally abusive, or has a family-crushing addiction. In these situations, requiring the innocent spouse to prove the marriage is beyond repair can be unfair and even dangerous.
Before 1969, divorce laws in the United States required a spouse to provide evidence of wrongdoing in order to obtain a divorce. This meant that those who were being abused or mistreated had to go through a lengthy and expensive trial in front of a judge, and they still might not be granted the right to divorce. Each state had different rules, and some required jury trials to determine whether a spouse could divorce or not. In some cases, the only option for the abused spouse was suicide or fleeing to save their life and sanity.
Furthermore, in states that only allowed divorce for adultery, a cottage industry arose to fabricate evidence, such as photographs, to show a spouse in a compromising position with another person. Wealthy individuals could move to states with more lenient laws to establish residency and obtain a divorce, but this was not an option for most people.
Overall, while the idea of requiring couples to prove their marriage is beyond repair before obtaining a divorce may seem reasonable, it can be unfair and dangerous in cases of abuse or mistreatment. No-fault divorce laws provide a more equitable and accessible option for a victim seeking to end their marriage. This is why, in 1969, then-Governor of California, Ronald Reagan passed the first state-wide no-fault divorce laws of their kind.
TRUTH? No-fault divorce literally saves lives.
A study was done several years later, and published in the Harvard Journal of Economics. https://lifesavingdivorce.com/divorcesaveslives
—The suicide rate for wives dropped by 8-16%.
—The domestic violence rate by and against both men and women dropped by 30%.
—The homicide rate of women murdered by an intimate dropped by 10%.
What about the Divorce Rate?
Although the divorce-per-married-woman rate leaped up for the next 14 years, it slowly started a path of decline. Today, the divorce-per-married-woman rate is lower than it was in 1970. (See how this is calculated, below.) Shocking but true: We don't have a divorce crisis in the U.S. (The divorce rate is lower than it was 50 years ago. The high was in the late 1970s and early 1980s. And no, it's not because the marriage rate has dropped. See below.)

How is it calculated? The divorce rate = [(number of women divorced in the past 12 months) / (number of women divorced in the past 12 months + number of currently married women)]*1000 s are represented as the number of women aged 15 or older who married in the past year per 1,000 unmarried women aged 15 or older.
There is No Divorce Crisis. There is a "Marriage-Endangering Sin" Crisis
Shocking but true: We don't have a divorce crisis in the U.S. (The divorce rate is lower than it was 50 years ago. The high was in the late 1970s and early 1980s. And no, it's not because the marriage rate has dropped. See below.)
We have a "marriage-endangering sin" crisis. We have an adultery and abuse crisis. If every spouse stopped committing adultery, using violence or intimidation to get what they want, squandering the family rent and grocery money, and stopped abusing drugs or alcohol, our divorce rate would drop like a rock.
Now let me be clear: Are there frivolous immature divorces? Yes, there are. Are there treacherous divorces where one spouse runs off with their lover or decides to go back to the single party scene? Yes, of course.
But our Evangelical divorce rates will automatically drop when destructive sinful behavior in marriages drops. If half of divorces in the U.S. are due to a pattern of adultery, sexual immorality, physical abuse, emotional abuse, severe addictions, abandonment, or neglect, then that is the place to start. We need to discourage people with major marriage-endangering sins from marrying. They need to come before the Lord and work on their issues and prove themselves to be safe and reliable mates, rather than hoping that marriage will automatically change them. We need to educate young people to identify and avoid potential spouses, even fellow Christians, who have serious abuse, intimidation, coercion, addiction, or sexual immorality problems. We also need to give them permission to point out new or increasing marriage-endangering sins that emerge during the marriage.
Our churches need a nuanced view of divorce. We need to accept that some divorces are life-saving divorces for very serious things that are condemned in the Bible and given as valid reasons for divorce. If we do not, we will continue to see Christian divorcees and their children leave because our churches aren’t safe for them.
You cannot reduce divorce merely by condemning divorce.
If you wish to reduce divorce you must reduce unsafe marriages.
The divorce rate = [(number of women divorced in the past 12 months) / (number of women divorced in the past 12 months + number of currently married women)]*1000
Focus on the Family Calls for Making Divorce Harder, Even for Abuse Victims
Some organizations wish to turn back the clock to 1969 and do away with no-fault divorce. Focus on the Family is one of them. This interview from November 11, 2021, features a call for repealing these laws that allow abuse victims to escape.
Are you going through a life-saving divorce? I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, "Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians." Just click the link and ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS. This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it. Supporters and people helpers are also welcome. I’ve written a book about spiritual abuse and divorce for Christians. Also, sign up for my email list below.
50 MOST POPULAR BLOG POSTS
Start Here
- What is a Life-Saving Divorce? How Do We Know Half of Divorces are “Life-Saving”? (or watch the video)
- Life-Saving Divorce: Introduction What Is this Book About? (audio and transcript)
- About Me: Why Is a Nice Christian Girl Like Me Promoting Divorce?
- How Can I Get the Book, The Life-Saving Divorce? (Amazon affiliate link.)
Physical and Emotional Abuse & Infidelity
- 130 Examples of Abuse: Emotional, Physical, Financial, Spiritual and Gaslighting
- Abuse is Biblical Grounds for Divorce
- “But He Never Hit Me”: Divorce for Neglect, Emotional, and Financial Abuseå
- Pastors Who Accept Physical and Emotional Abuse as Grounds for Divorce
- Severe Emotional Neglect: Toni’s Story of Finding Freedom (video)
- 40 Years of Murderous Rages and How I Got Free! Karen’s story (video)
- How Churches Should Handle Abuse Victims (video with Pastor Neil Schori)
- Help! I’m Married to a Cheater: Should I Stay or Go?
- Married to a Pedophile: How I Got Out – Pam’s Story (video)
- Help! I Am Alone with the Abuser
God Allows Divorce to Protect Victims
- Jesus' Greatest Divorce Sermon - Luke 13 (or watch the Video)
- Pastors Who Accept Physical and Emotional Abuse as Grounds for Divorce
- Myth: The Person Who Files for Divorce Caused the Divorce
- Haven’t Our English Bibles Always Said, “God hates divorce”? No.
- Jesus Said, "Love My Enemy"—Can I Still Divorce Them?
- But I Thought it Was God's Will for Me to Marry this Person!
- Is Pointing Out Marriage-Endangering Sin Being Judgmental? (video)
- One Woman's Story: Adultery, Prayer and the Bible
- Is Marriage an Unconditional Covenant or a Conditional One? (Video)
- Does Divorce Shatter the Image of Christ and the Church as John Piper Suggests?
- Divorce and the Good Samaritan Story
- Myth: Divorce is the Unpardonable Sin and "God Hates Divorce"
- Myth: Your Divorce Will Shatter the Image of Christ and the Church
- Myth: You Must Forgive and Forget Over and Over, Forever
Does God Hate Divorce? No, Most English Bible Translations Don’t Say That
- Malachi 2:16 Haven’t Our English Bibles Always Said, “God hates divorce”? No.
- Myth: Divorce is the Unpardonable Sin and "God Hates Divorce"
- List of Every Known Puritan Divorce in Massachusetts between 1639 and 1692.
How to Find a Good Supportive Church
- Pastors Who Accept Physical and Emotional Abuse as Grounds for Divorce
- 7 Ways to Know if a Church is Safe for Abused Wives (or Abused Husbands)
- Do My Pastors Have a Say about Me Getting a Divorce?
- Good vs. Bad Pastoral Counselors on the Topic of Marital Abuse: 40 People Tell their Stories
What If My Pastor Says It Would Be Wrong to Get Divorced for Abuse?
- 5 Bible Verses that Say You Should Separate from an Abuser
- 1 Million God-honoring Divorcees Cannot Find a Good Church
- Church Denominations and Divorce Policies Comparison Chart
- Excommunication for Getting Divorced? What to Do!
- Evangelicals Shooting their Own Wounded Divorcees (video) or blog/transcript
- How to Handle Criticism When You Divorce (video-3 parts) Natalie Hoffman, Gina Kaye
- Myth: You Don't Take God-Ordained Marriage Seriously
- Sermon Ideas for Domestic Violence Awareness Month - October
- Churches That Block Abused Wives (and Husbands) From Divorcing
- Southern Baptists make Evangelicalism Unsafe for Abused Wives & Husbands
- How Churches Should Handle Abuse Victims (video with Pastor Neil Schori)
Divorce Saves Lives: The Surprising (Wonderful!) Truth About Divorce Nobody Told You
- Your Kids Will Likely Be Fine After Divorce (Nearly 8 in 10 Are!)
- 10 Facts Evangelical Pastors MUST Know about Kids and Divorce [VIDEO]
- There Is No Divorce Crisis. We have a Sin Crisis.
- Myth: 95% of Divorces are for Falling Out of Love
Will I Ever Find Love Again? Dating After Divorce: Good News
- Will I Ever Find Love Again?
- Dating after Divorce: An interview with Gina Kaye
- I Fear I'll Never Find a Healthy Relationship
- Remarriage after Divorce: How Can I Claim to be the Innocent Spouse? I Had My Faults Too!
Finding Happiness and Health After Divorce
- Will the Kids and I Ever Be Happy Again?
- Happiness Either Way: Remarriage or Staying Single
- Divorce May Improve Your Health: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts and Medical Issues
- How My Health Improved Dramatically After Divorce: Karen’s Story (video)
- “I’m Off of All My Depression Medications Now That I’ve Divorced” Schari’s story (video)
- PTSD, EMDR and My Major Health Improvements after Divorce Toni’s story (video)
Thriving After Divorce: These Christians Tell their Stories
- Christians Finding Peace after Divorce: Shirley Fessel, Author (Audio) or (Video)
- 10 Turning Points: Stories of How Others Decided to Stay or to Go
- Married to a Pedophile: How My Kids and I Got Free! (video)
- Finding Joy after a 40-Year Abusive Marriage (video)
- Can I Divorce My Mentally Ill, Destructive Spouse? Yes! Amanda’s Story (video)
- From Bondage to Glorifying God! 5 Survivor Stories (after 20-, 30-, 40-year long abusive marriages)
Self-Doubt, Second-Guessing Ourselves, and Gaslighting
- Am I the One Destroying the Relationship?
- How Can I Call Myself the Innocent Spouse? I Wasn’t Perfect Either (video)
- Is Pointing Out Marriage-Endangering Sin Being Judgmental? (video)
- Myth: He Wouldn't Cheat or Watch Porn if You Gave Him More Sex
- Myth: You're Lying: We'd All Know If Your Spouse Was That Bad
- Myth: It Takes "Two to Tango" and "All Marriage Problems are 50/50"
- How to Handle Criticism When You Divorce (video-3 parts) Natalie Hoffman, Gina Kaye
Children and Divorce: Researchers Give Hope
- Is it Best to “Stay for the Kids”? Sometimes, yes. But Not if It’s a Toxic Marriage
- Researchers Know Your Kids Will Likely Be Fine After Life-Saving Divorce
- 5 Studies That Say Your Kids are Likely to Be Okay After Divorce (video)
- Marriage Does Not Guarantee Good Kids: 1 in 10 Kids from Married Two-Parent Homes are Troubled.
- Myth 21: Divorce will Destroy Your Children, So Stay for the Sake of Your Kids
High Conflict Divorce and Parenting
- Research shows: Your Kids Will Likely Be Fine After Divorce: In Fact It’s Best to Divorce to Get Away From Abuse
- 12 Ways to Document and Protect Yourself in a High-Conflict Divorce
- 12 Tips for Talking with Angry, Alienated Kids
- Myth: Divorce will Destroy Your Children, So Stay for the Sake of Your Kids
Recommended Reading List and Free Resources for Christians and Other People of Faith
Common Myths
- Myth: Your Marriage Would Be Great if You Just Submitted More
- Myth: Divorce will Destroy Your Children, So Stay for the Sake of Your Kids
- Myth: Divorce is the Unpardonable Sin and "God Hates Divorce"
- Myth: You Just Didn't Try Hard Enough
- Myth: You Don't Take God-Ordained Marriage Seriously
- Myth: Your Divorce Will Shatter the Image of Christ and the Church
- Myth: You Must Forgive and Forget Over and Over, Forever
- Myth: 95% of Divorces are for Falling Out of Love
- 27 Myths about Divorce That Probably Don't Apply to Committed Christians
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GET THE BOOK! The Life-Saving Divorce is about divorces for very serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, life-altering addictions, abandonment, or severe neglect. This book will give you hope for your future, and optimism about your children. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.