It's painful when a Valentine's Day falls on Sunday or when the annual marriage sermon is on the schedule. I'm sure many divorcees brace themselves for a sermon on love and marriage that takes digs at divorcees, suggesting that divorcees are—


—"quitters who took the quick way out."

—"immature people who don't value the sanctity of marriage"

—"losers who didn't try very hard"

—"irresponsible because all marriage problems are 50/50."


It's really cruel and clueless. And sadly, many pastors and church leaders and denominations don't get it. It is such a problem that one professor, Dr. Valerie Hobbs, a linguist in the U.K., has studied marriage-and-divorce sermons in detail and published studies analyzing them. They describe divorce as being violent, but don't describe abuse as violent. Abuse and marriage problems are described in ridiculous frivolous ways in most of the top sermons.




  • For example, prepare to hear that the divorce rate in the U.S. is spiraling out of control. (It's not. It's at the lowest rate in 50 years. And no, it’s not because the marriage rate has dropped. The divorce rate is calculated as a percentage of married people, not the entire population.)




  • Or this false message, that if you just hang in there 5 years, your unhappy marriage will become happy. You hear this a lot from pastors and Christian radio programs, but that's not what the Waite study concluded Here are 7 quotes from Dr. Waite that say that toxic marriages aren’t likely to change and divorce is sometimes the best option.





According to tradition, the real St. Valentine was a 3rd Century pastor who helped Christians marry—in violation of the law. He wasn't afraid of making the powers-that-be angry by assisting Christians to live and thrive in the hostile Roman Empire. And he was martyred for it. Today we can do the same, sort of in reverse: When one's life and sanity depend on it, we can help them get to safety and thrive and remind them why divorce was given in the Bible. You can assist Jesus' work to set the imprisoned free.


Are you going through a life-saving divorce? I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, "Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians." Just click the link and ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS. This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it. Supporters and people helpers are also welcome.  I’ve written a book about spiritual abuse and divorce for Christians. Also, sign up for my email list below.



Start Here


Physical and Emotional Abuse & Infidelity


God Allows Divorce to Protect Victims


Does God Hate Divorce? No, Most English Bible Translations Don’t Say That


How to Find a Good Supportive Church


What If My Pastor Says It Would Be Wrong to Get Divorced for Abuse?


Divorce Saves Lives: The Surprising (Wonderful!) Truth About Divorce Nobody Told You

Will I Ever Find Love Again? Dating After Divorce: Good News

Finding Happiness and Health After Divorce


Thriving After Divorce: These Christians Tell their Stories

Self-Doubt, Second-Guessing Ourselves, and Gaslighting


Children and Divorce: Researchers Give Hope


High Conflict Divorce and Parenting


Recommended Reading List and Free Resources for Christians and Other People of Faith


Common Myths






GET THE BOOK! The Life-Saving Divorce is about divorces for very serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, life-altering addictions, abandonment, or severe neglect. This book will give you hope for your future, and optimism about your children. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.



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