Why did I stay so long when I had 100% serious biblical grounds for divorce?
I asked this question in my private Facebook group, and here are some of the answers I received (anonymized, of course, to protect people’s safety).
- 1. Because I was taught through unspoken messages that divorce was evidence of personal and spiritual failure. And I loved the Lord and wanted to give my whole life to serve him.
- 2. Because I was taught the love of Jesus in my heart would heal my husband’s wounds from childhood. Or that my good example from my healthy family of origin would influence him. (Nope.)
- 3. Because I was taught that marital sex cured sexual immorality. (It doesn’t.)
- 4. Because I was taught the message that God+YOU+ME = good marriage. I thought I just needed to try harder.
- 5. Because I was taught the message that my righteous prayers would fix my marriage (and by “marriage” I really meant my sexually immoral husband).
- 6. Because I was taught that divorce destroys kids. (It doesn’t in 8 in 10 cases.) Is it Always Best to “Stay for the Kids”? No, Not If the Home is Toxic
- 7. Because I didn’t think I could support myself. But I did. In fact I did far better than I ever dared hope. It took 5 years, but I crushed it!
- 8. Because I was taught through unspoken messages that my kids would resent me for destroying their lives. But in reality, they are in their 30s now and both have thanked me for divorcing their dad. They love him, but they know he’s seriously messed up. I didn’t tell them the whole truth until they were over 18. (I divorced when they were Kindergarten age.)
- 9. Because I was taught that marriage problems are 50/50. So I turned myself inside out to figure out why my husband was sexually immoral and doing illegal stuff. (Hint: He was immoral and doing illegal stuff because he chose to. It was happening before I came into his life, and I’m guessing it probably still happens today, 25 years after our divorce. But I no longer know or care. He’s not my problem.)
- 10. Because I was afraid of gossip and judgement at my church, my beloved faith community I had known for over 25 years. I didn’t want to be seen as a second-class Christian.
For further reading
- Christians: Life After Divorce — Real Stories of Challenge, Healing, and Hope
- Is it Always Best to “Stay for the Kids”? No, Not If the Home is Toxic
- Adultery, Abuse, and Abandonment Are Biblical Grounds for Divorce
- Yes, Dr. Gary Chapman, Divorce CAN Lead to Personal Happiness
- Why Did She Stay So Long?
:
:
Buy PDF