Why did I stay so long when I had 100% serious biblical grounds for divorce?

I asked this question in my private Facebook group, and here are some of the answers I received (anonymized, of course, to protect people's safety).



  • 1. Because I was taught through unspoken messages that divorce was evidence of personal and spiritual failure. And I loved the Lord and wanted to give my whole life to serve him.


  • 2. Because I was taught the love of Jesus in my heart would heal my husband's wounds from childhood. Or that my good example from my healthy family of origin would influence him. (Nope.)


  • 3. Because I was taught that marital sex cured sexual immorality. (It doesn't.)


  • 4. Because I was taught the message that God+YOU+ME = good marriage. I thought I just needed to try harder.


  • 5. Because I was taught the message that my righteous prayers would fix my marriage (and by "marriage" I really meant my sexually immoral husband).



  • 7. Because I didn't think I could support myself. But I did. In fact I did far better than I ever dared hope. It took 5 years, but I crushed it!


  • 8. Because I was taught through unspoken messages that my kids would resent me for destroying their lives. But in reality, they are in their 30s now and both have thanked me for divorcing their dad. They love him, but they know he's seriously messed up. I didn't tell them the whole truth until they were over 18. (I divorced when they were Kindergarten age.)


  • 9. Because I was taught that marriage problems are 50/50. So I turned myself inside out to figure out why my husband was sexually immoral and doing illegal stuff. (Hint: He was immoral and doing illegal stuff because he chose to. It was happening before I came into his life, and I'm guessing it probably still happens today, 25 years after our divorce. But I no longer know or care. He's not my problem.)


  • 10. Because I was afraid of gossip and judgement at my church, my beloved faith community I had known for over 25 years. I didn’t want to be seen as a second-class Christian.



Here are 27 false messages that are UNTRUE for devout people of faith. www.lifesavingdivorce.com/myths-of-divorce



Do You Need Support?  I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, "Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians." ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS. This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it.


Start Here



Does God Hate Divorce? He May Hate Divorce, But He Hates Abuse & Betrayal More!


Physical and Emotional Abuse & Infidelity


God Allows Divorce to Protect Victims


How to Find a Good Supportive Church


What If My Pastor Says It Would Be Wrong to Get Divorced for Abuse?



Divorce Saves Lives: The Surprising (Wonderful!) Truth About Divorce Nobody Told You

Will I Ever Find Love Again? Dating After Divorce: Good News

Finding Happiness and Health After Divorce


Thriving After Divorce: These Christians Tell their Stories

Self-Doubt, Second-Guessing Ourselves, and Gaslighting


Children and Divorce: Researchers Give Hope


High Conflict Divorce and Parenting


Recommended Reading List and Free Resources for Christians and Other People of Faith


Common Myths






GET THE BOOK! The Life-Saving Divorce is about divorces for very serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, life-altering addictions, abandonment, or severe neglect. This book will give you hope for your future, and optimism about your children. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.



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