Focus on the Family’s Articles on Children and Divorce Are Misleading Abused Wives

by gbaskerville | Oct 29, 2020 | Divorce and Children, Focus on the Family

How Focus on the Family Misled Us to Believe Divorce

Was Worse for Children Than Abuse!

• About Me: If you’re new to my blog, read this first. I’m a committed Evangelical Christian. I attend church, tithe, serve, volunteer, and lead Bible studies. I started leading Christian divorce recovery groups in conservative churches in 1998. I do not wish to make this a criticism of Focus on the Family-other than their “children and divorce” articles. I have donated thousands of dollars to Focus, have recommended their books to friends, and have listened to hours of Focus radio broadcasts. I have visited their headquarters and have attended Christian conferences there. And I love their bookstore. My purpose is to encourage Focus to change the children-and-divorce articles on their website because they are misleading to abused parents.

I interviewed a committed homeschool mother of three who nearly lost her life due to one of these articles.

Patricia is a devout Christian who takes the sanctity of marriage seriously. She’s also been a big fan, listener, customer, and donor to Focus on the Family since young adulthood. She trusted Focus on the Family magazines, newsletters, website, and phone counselors. She owned a bookshelf full of their books. She was a monthly donor and gave thousands of dollars.

But Patricia was married to a violent man who had at one point been a youth pastor. In 2007 she read a Focus on the Family article, “How Could Divorce Affect My Kids?” by Amy Desai J.D. This article suggested that divorce was universally detrimental to children, and it characterized parents who divorced as selfish people who took the “quick way out.” She didn’t want that! She loved her kids and would do anything to protect them.

This article convinced her that getting a divorce would be worse for her children than anything, even though her kids were being beaten and molested by their own father. The article never said there might be cases where divorce might be justified. Instead it mocked divorcing parents for splitting up, and suggested they had no serious reason-that it was just because they were “unhappy.”

From the Focus article (emphasis mine):
“Many years ago, the myth began to circulate that if parents are unhappy, the kids are unhappy, too. So divorce could help both parent and child. “What’s good for mom or dad is good for the children,” it was assumed. But we now have an enormous amount of research on divorce and children, all pointing to the same stubborn truth: Kids suffer when moms and dads split up.”

WHY DIDN’T SHE JUST LEAVE?

People ask: “What kind of mother would stay?” I’ll tell you what kind: A mother who has been listening to, calling, and donating to Focus on the Family for years.

Focus on the Family states that even when you are married to a child molester, their priority is to save your marriage (they give tips to “help” your pedophile husband) even though experts say the likelihood of change is less than 1%. Focus doesn’t mind risking the lives of children because your marital status is more important to them. What planet are they living on? Jesus said millstones and drowning were too good for people who harmed children. See evidence: https://lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfpedophilia

Focus on the Family presents a message that divorce universally destroys kids. That’s what FOTF has been teaching pastors worldwide to say for decades. https://lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-and-kids

Focus on the Family describes divorcees are *quitters* who want the “easy way out” and *selfishly* put their own wishes before their children. That’s what Focus on the Family says in various articles, broadcasts, and events. https://lifesavingdivorce.com/foftdivorce1

Focus on the Family suggests your husband’s abuse is due to YOUR lack of *respect* and if you just prayed harder, were more agreeable and more sexual, God would save your marriage. That’s what Focus on the Family teaches through books it recommends, such as Eggerichs’s book Love and Respect.

If you get the message that genuine one-sided abuse is rare, that most “unhappiness” is just “two sinners sinning” or “all marriage problems are 50/50” then you feel that if you could just be perfect enough, your spouse would shape up and could avoid divorce, then you stay married. That’s the kind of message Focus on the Family promotes over and over.

I’ve done a poll in my private Facebook group on why they stayed. Please read their stories. I think you will understand better why people stay, even in great danger. https://lifesavingdivorce.com/stay2

Patricia knew she was unhappy. How could anyone be happy if they were being beaten? But she didn’t realize she was an abuse victim. And this article said that if she divorced for unhappiness, her kids would suffer. She called Focus on the Family and they had told her to read their recommended books about marriage. These books shifted the burden of fixing the marriage to her, the godly spouse. Her good example and submissive life were to inspire her husband to change.

Despite the assault and battery and child abuse, Patricia decided she couldn’t divorce her husband, even though the thought crossed her mind. She couldn’t make her children suffer even more by divorcing. And that’s exactly what the 2007 Focus on the Family article indicated with its references to Dr. Judith Wallerstein’s somber warnings about kids and divorce. The following year her husband beat her, dragged her lifeless body out to a gully and left her for dead. (<– See her video interview at this link. 27 minutes.)

The misleading 2007 article, which was posted early in Jim Daly’s presidency of Focus on the Family, is still on Focus on the Family’s website. In fact, in September 2020, it was a top-ten Google® search result for Focus on the Family kids and divorce. A somewhat similar article was also a top-ten Google® search result for Christian advice kids and divorce. These two articles, with the same byline, Amy Desai, ignore the fact that researchers have known for more than 25 years that kids whose parents left these toxic marriages had far better wellbeing than kids whose parents stayed. A third article referencing Wallerstein’s research was added to the website in August 17, 2020, this one by Angela Bisignano, Ph.D.

Ironically, the most well-known researchers mentioned in the Focus on the Family articles (Dr. Judith Wallerstein, Dr. Mavis Hetherington, Dr. Sara McLanahan, Dr. Paul Amato, and Dr. Alan Booth) found that divorce is likely better for children who are brought up in abusive homes…not worse.

Focus on the Family quotes from the 2000 New York Times bestselling book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, to suggest that divorce is universally harmful to children. However, the author, Dr. Judith Wallerstein, didn’t believe that. In fact, she was concerned that Christian radio programs misrepresented her findings.

Here are ten Judith Wallerstein quotes about her actual conclusions, specifically that divorce is better for children than growing up in physically and emotionally destructive homes. I’ve also included quotes from Hetherington, McLanahan, Amato, and Booth suggesting the same. (Emphasis mine.)

Quote 1: Wallerstein (mentioned 10 times in the Focus on the Family article)

“I am not against divorce. How could I be? I’ve seen more examples of wretched, demeaning, and abusive marriage than most of my colleagues. I’m keenly aware of the suffering… I’m also aware that for many parents the decision to divorce is the most difficult decision in their lives; they cry many a night before taking such a drastic step. -Judith S. Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (New York: Hyperion, 2000), p. xxxix

Quote 2: Wallerstein

“Children raised in extremely unhappy or violent intact homes face misery in childhood and tragic challenges in adulthood.” -Judith S. Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (New York: Hyperion, 2000), p. 300.

Quote 3: Wallerstein

“And I am, of course, aware of the many voices on the radio, on television, and in certain… religious circles that say divorce is sinful… But I don’t know of any research, mine included, that says divorce is universally detrimental to children.” -Judith S. Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (New York: Hyperion, 2000), p. xxxix

Far from concluding that children are “destroyed by divorce,” Wallerstein found that 7 in 10 were doing pretty well in life despite the divorce and despite the fact that 7 in 10 of the parents in the study had moderate-to-severe mental health problems themselves.

“At the twenty-five-year follow-up we found that 30 percent of the participants in our study were doing poorly, with functioning significantly impaired and below average. Thirty-four percent were in the average range, and 36 percent were doing very well to outstanding in all areas of their life tasks.” -Judith S. Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (New York: Hyperion, 2000), p. 333

Quote 4: Wallerstein

“Many judges who deal with such families do not understand that merely witnessing violence is harmful to children; the images are forever etched into their brains. Even a single episode of violence is long remembered in detail. In fact there is accumulating scientific evidence that witnessing violence or being abused physically or verbally literally alters brain development resulting in a hyperactive emotional system.” -Judith S. Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (New York: Hyperion, 2000), p. 90

Quote 5: Wallerstein On the first page of Judith Wallerstein’s book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, she writes,

“On the positive side, many young adults who weather their parents’ divorce are extremely successful in their own careers, having learned how to be independent, resourceful, and flexible…. they are decent, caring adults who manage to build good marriages in spite of their fears.” p. xiii

Wallerstein wrote The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce in 2000, more than twenty years ago. I am perplexed as to why Focus on the Family, which claims to give reliable advice under the command of Jim Daly, would post articles quoting Wallerstein in order to suggest that divorce is universally detrimental to children. She refutes that outright.

Quote 6: Wallerstein In fact, in 1989, Wallerstein was already saying that divorce was a rational solution to a bad marriage. And notice that she doesn’t limit it to physical abuse. (Emphasis mine.)

Although our overall findings are troubling and serious, we should not point the finger of blame at divorce per se. Indeed divorce is often the only rational solution to a bad marriage. When people ask if they should stay for the sake of the children, I have to say, “Of course not.” All our evidence shows that children turn out less well-adjusted when exposed to open conflict, where parents terrorize or strike one another, than do children from divorced families.” -Dr. Judith Wallerstein, Second Chances: Men, Women and Children, A Decade after Divorce, p. 321-322 (Originally published 1989. Referenced Kindle edition, 2018)

Quote 7: Wallerstein Wallerstein said it’s unwise for people to stay in a cruel, demeaning, or intensely lonely marriage “just for the kids”:

But for many other people, divorce is the best solution, and staying married “for the sake of the children” (as it is so often stated) is not the wiser path. When a marriage is cruel, demeaning, or intensely lonely, divorce opens new opportunities to build a better life. The details of such unhappy marriages are often shocking. I met one couple who had not talked to each other in three years; they just passed notes back and forth. One man went to bed fully clothed every night for years, sending a not so subtle message to his wife beside him in the bed. Others brought lovers into the home when the spouse was away. In some marriages, in-laws invaded the home at all hours, leading one man to say, “She was never mine!” -Dr. Judith Wallerstein, Second Chances: Men, Women and Children, A Decade after Divorce, p. xxxiv (Originally published 1989. Referenced Kindle edition, 2018)

Quote 8: Wallerstein In 1989, Wallerstein mentioned the lack of comparison studies between unhappy families and divorced families. But in the 1990s, such studies became available and that gave evidence of the damage done to kids brought up in these distressed homes. She felt divorce was better for kids in these cases.

“And while we lack systematic studies comparing unhappily married families and divorced families, I do know that it is not useful to provide children with a model of adult behavior that avoids problem solving and that stresses martyrdom, violence, or apathy. A divorce undertaken thoughtfully and realistically can teach children how to confront serious life problems with compassion, wisdom, and appropriate action.” -Dr. Judith Wallerstein, Second Chances: Men, Women and Children, A Decade after Divorce, p. 322 (Originally published 1989. Referenced Kindle edition, 2018)

Quote 9: Wallerstein In a PBS interview in 2000, Judith Wallerstein admitted to being shocked by the percentage of horrible U.S. marriages.

“In a PBS interview in 2000, [Wallerstein] said, “It’s hard for me to believe that 45 percent of marriages are so bad that they really need to divorce, and that’s what’s happening in this country.” -Concerned Women for America, June 22, 2012, retrieved 10/29/2020 https://concernedwomen.org/judith-s-wallerstein-divorce-analyst-dies-at-age-90/

Quote 10: Wallerstein In 2003, four years before this Focus on the Family article was published, Judith Wallerstein authored another book on kids and divorce. When asked when is the “best” time to divorce, she wrote (emphasis mine):

“The trouble is, there’s no simple answer… If there’s chronic violence at home, the answer is ‘the sooner the better,’ unrelated to the age of your child. By violence I mean physical attack-hitting, kicking, throwing objects-or chronic threats of physical violence. Exposure to violence has serious consequences for a child’s development that may last well into adulthood. They fear for your safety. They fear for themselves and their siblings. If there’s repeated high conflict in your marriage, accompanied by yelling, screaming, and pounding the table, then I’d also say the sooner the better… In some high-conflict homes, serious differences between the partners are a recurrent theme in everyday life.”
-Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, What About the Kids? (New York: Hachette Books, 2010), pp. 127-128.

Other researchers quoted in Focus on the Family’s kids-and-divorce articles are Dr. Paul Amato, Dr. Andrew Cherlin, Dr. Alan Booth, Dr. Sara McLanahan, and Dr. Mavis Hetherington. But they don’t suggest that divorce is universally detrimental to children either. Here are their conclusions.

Quote 11: Amato, Loomis, Booth

“Our results show that if conflict between parents is relatively high, offspring are better off in early adulthood if their parents divorced than if they remained married.” – Paul Amato, Laura Spencer Loomis, Alan Booth, “Parental Divorce, Marital Conflict, and Offspring Well-being during Early Adulthood, 1995, p. 895

Quote 12: Amato, Loomis and Booth

“This result is consistent with the notion, advanced by a number of observers, that children are better off in divorced single-parent families than in two-parent families marked by high levels of discord…” – Paul Amato, Laura Spencer Loomis, Alan Booth, “Parental Divorce, Marital Conflict, and Offspring Well-being during Early Adulthood, 1995, p. 911

Quote 13: Sara McLanahan (mentioned 3 times in the Focus on the Family article, but only quoting her 1997 book). McLanahan is known for her book in 1997 about the poor outcomes of kids brought up by single parents. But 15 years later she concluded this:

“We have long known that while the average effect of divorce is negative, for some families it may actually improve family functioning and child well-being. Work by Amato (1993), for example, shows that in families with high levels of conflict, divorce improves child outcomes. More recently, Jaffee et al. (2003) have found that children are better off not seeing their fathers in cases where these men are violent or antisocial.” – Sara McLanahan and Elizabeth Thomson, Reflections on “Family Structure and Child Well-Being: Economic Resources vs. Parental Socialization,” Social Forces 91(1) 45-53, September 2012

Quote 14: Mavis Hetherington The late Dr. Mavis Hetherington did a study that was more than 20 times larger than Wallerstein’s. (Emphasis mine.)

“In the short run, divorce is brutally painful to a child. But its negative long-term effects have been exaggerated…” “Twenty-five percent of youths from divorced families in comparison to 10 percent from non-divorced families did have serious social, emotional, or psychological problems. But most of the young men and women from [the study] looked a lot like their contemporaries from non-divorced homes. Although they looked back on their parents’ breakup as a painful experience, most were successfully going about the chief tasks of young adulthood: establishing careers, creating intimate relationships, building meaningful lives for themselves.” -E. Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly, For Better or For Worse (New York: WW Norton & Company, 2002), p. 7

“…the big headline in my data is that 80 percent of children from divorced homes eventually are able to adapt to their new life and become reasonably well adjusted…. However coming from a non-divorced family did not always protect against growing into a troubled young adult. 10% of youths from non-divorced families, compared to 20 percent in divorce and remarried families were troubled.” -E. Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly, For Better or For Worse (New York: WW Norton & Company, 2002), p. 228

On the next page (p. 229),she went on to talk about the 20 percent who were troubled, writing: “A piece of good news about our youths was that their antisocial behavior declined as they matured.”

Quote 15: Cherlin

Focus on the Family mentions Dr. Andrew Cherlin, and attributes this to him: “Children of divorced parents suffer more frequently from symptoms of psychological distress.” But, that’s not telling whole truth about Cherlin’s findings. Dr. Cherlin concluded that serious problems found in children of divorce, were in part, caused by the abuse or addictions or conflicts in the home, not by the divorce itself.

Cherlin found that divorce was good for kids in some cases:

“It is possible that some of these long-term difficulties are due to the poor quality of the parents’ marriages, rather than to the divorces themselves. A study by Paul R. Amato and Alan Booth (1997) attempted to disentangle these two possibilities. The study began as telephone interviews with a nationally representative sample of married couples in 1980. The interviewers asked their respondents multiple questions on marital quality, including marital happiness, marital interaction (e.g., “How often do you eat your main meals together?”), marital conflict (“How many serious quarrels have you had in the past two months?”), and divorce proneness (e.g., “Has the thought of getting a divorce or separation crossed your mind in the last three years?”).

“The researchers divided all of the families into two groups, low conflict and high conflict, using all of the information. Then in 1992 all of the children who had lived with their parents in 1980 and who were now age 19 or older were interviewed. The investigators report that offspring who experienced high marital conflict in 1980 were doing better in 1992 if their parents had divorced than if they had stayed together; on the other hand, offspring from low-conflict families were doing worse if their parents had divorced. This finding confirms the oft-stated but rarely substantiated belief that if family conflict is severe, children may benefit from a divorce.”

-Dr. Andrew Cherlin, Johns Hopkins, from his university textbook: Cherlin, Andrew, Private & Public Families: An Introduction, ninth edition, New York: McGraw-Hill, 2021, p. 336

“…part of the seeming effect of parental divorce on adults is a result of factors that were present before the parents’ marriages dissolved.” (Effects of Divorce on Mental Health Through the Life Course, 1997, p. 2)

“It is likely that, in many cases, elevated behavior problems at [age] 7 were a reaction to other sources of stress in the family such as continual marital conflict, substance abuse, or violence…” (p. 28) -Andrew Cherlin, Johns Hopkins Cherlin, Chase-Lansdale, McRae, Effects of Divorce on Mental Health Through the Life Course, 1997, p. 2, 28

In Dr. Andrew Cherlin’s textbook on families, he points out that Wallerstein selected only families with normal children. But 7 in 10 of the parents in her group had a history of moderate to severe mental problems (Wallerstein, Surviving the Breakup, p. 328, 330).

Although she [Wallerstein] screened out children who had seen a mental health professional, many of the parents had extensive psychiatric histories. Troubled families can produce troubled children, whether or not the parents divorce, so blaming the divorce and its aftermath for nearly all the problems Wallerstein saw among the children over 25 years may be an overstatement. -Cherlin, Public and Private Families, 2013 edition, p. 397

Quote 16: Waite

Marriage-at-any-cost organizations, such as Focus on the Family, love to quote the Waite 2002 study and her 2003 book. Their articles suggest that marriages will universally improve over time, and that those who divorce are always unhappy.

But that’s wrong, too. The Waite study actually found something quite different: That people in destructive marriages are better off by divorcing, and that 81% of those individuals who remarried were happier in the next marriage! The main quote you’ll hear from Dr. Linda Waite’s study is this: “Almost two-thirds of unhappy spouses who stuck with the marriage forged happy marriages down the road” (emphasis mine). And this quote: “Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married five years later.” But that means that one-in-three did not ever become happy. Here is in the last sentence of this report:

“Both people and marriages are likely to be happier in communities with a strong commitment to marital permanence. While some marriages are so destructive that divorce or separation is the best outcome, marriages are more likely to be both happy and stable when marriage is highly valued – a key relation in whose success family, friends, faith communities, counselors, family-law attorneys, and the wider society have an important stake.” – Linda J. Waite, Don Browning, William J. Doherty, Maggie Gallagher, Ye Luo, and Scott M. Stanley, Does Divorce Make People Happy, Institute for Family Values, 2002, p. 33.

Stating the obvious!

So why put that admission in that last sentence of the study? And why phrase it this way? Perhaps it was because she’s an honest researcher but the study was privately funded by a small anti-divorce organization, and she had to hide it away at the bottom of page 33.

Waite specifically reports that not all marriages will improve over time. Dr. Waite claims that marriages with high-conflict or domestic violence are unlikely to become happy.

Quote 17: Waite

“Among those unhappily married spouses who stayed married, what factors predicted happier marriages down the road? Marriages with high conflict and domestic violence were less likely to become happy five years later.” p. 11-12

She’s saying that you can tell in advance which marriages are likely to become happy, and it’s not the destructive ones.

Quote 18: Waite

“If the problem is marital violence, divorce appears to offer significant relief.” p. 12

So, we can say people who escaped unhappy marriages are often happier or at least greatly relieved to get to safety.

Quote 19: Waite

“When an unhappily married adult experiences violence, divorce and remarriage significantly reduce the likelihood he or she will experience domestic violence (at least from spouses).” p. 12

Quote 20: Waite

“…24 percent of those unhappy spouses who divorced or separated ended up in a second marriage within five years. Eighty-one percent of those second marriages were happy.” p. 12

She’s saying the vast majority of unhappily married spouses who divorced and remarried found better partners the second time: 81%!

Quote 21: Waite

“Does divorce make unhappily married people happy? The answer, surprisingly, in this research, seems to be no….With the important exception of reducing the incidence of marital violence for unhappy spouses (in violent marriages), divorce failed, on average, to result in improvements in psychological well-being for unhappy spouses.” p. 13-14

She’s saying, in general divorce does not make people happy. But if you’re in a destructive home, it likely will.

Quote 22: Waite What kinds of marriages improved? The marriages that improved were those with “outside stressors,” not bad behavior by one spouse.

“Many spouses we interviewed who survived marital unhappiness did not see problems within the relationship as the cause. Instead they blamed outside forces for causing both unhappiness and relationship stress: Spouses became ill, lost jobs, got depressed, children got into trouble or created marital stresses by their financial and emotional demands.” p. 15

Waite lists one story of a serious relationship problem that improved: a husband who stopped drinking after two years. (Two years? All wives of drug and alcohol addicts wish they could be so fortunate!)

Quote 23: Hawkins and Booth So why am I not a fan of Waite’s study? In part because of the way it’s worded. But also because another study was done three years later by another team of researchers using the same data. They didn’t just look at five years, they looked at twelve years. They used the same national survey Waite did, but they did a more thorough job and they measured more than just “happiness,” they measured three more factors, including the person’s overall health. They found that-

“Remaining unhappily married is associated with significantly lower levels of overall happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem and overall health along with elevated levels of psychological distress compared to remaining otherwise continuously married. There is also some evidence that staying unhappily married is more detrimental than divorcing, as people in low-quality marriages are less happy than individuals who divorce and remarry. They also have lower levels of life satisfaction, self-esteem and overall health than individuals who divorce and remain unmarried. Unhappily married people may have greater odds of improving their well-being by dissolving their low-quality unions as there is no evidence that they are better off in any aspect of overall well-being than those who divorce.” -Daniel N. Hawkins and Alan Booth, Unhappily Ever after: Effects of Long-Term, Low-Quality Marriages on Well-Being, Social Forces, Vol. 84, No. 1 (Sep., 2005), pp. 451-471, from the abstract

The message that “all marriages will become happier if you stay” is UNSAFE for you and your children.

Graph: About Happiness After Divorce

Focus on the Family articles often suggests that if you divorce, you will be unhappy. But multiple researchers (above) and Baylor University’s Religion Study of 2014 showed that nearly 7 in 10 Christians who divorce are happy after divorce.

Further, many Christian marriage ministry articles ignore the massive 19,000-participant ACE Study in 1998 that shows that children brought up in a home experiencing or witnessing physical, sexual, or psychological abuse, or violence to a parent, substance abuse, mental illness, or criminality may have lifelong health effects evident when they reach adulthood.

Is there any good news in Patricia’s story? Yes, this dear sweet woman, Patricia, finally got away and is now divorced. Here’s her video interview. Her life is peaceful. Her children are much happier now, even thriving. They have thanked her for leaving. Patricia still likes Focus’s stance on other conservative topics, such as abortion, but she doesn’t trust their kids-and-divorce articles anymore. She finally found relief and safety through divorce. She is at peace with God, peace with herself and her children. And they no longer live in daily fear since they got a life-saving divorce to escape a treacherous home.

NOTE: It’s been more than 12 years, and Focus on the Family has never fixed the 2007 article or any subsequent article that suggests that divorce is universally detrimental to children. It would only take a few minutes to do. Just be honest about the actual findings of the top researchers. Lying happens in two ways: by making a false claim, or by omitting vital information. These two Focus on the Family articles lie by omission. Focus on the Family puts in danger the very people they claim to serve: Families. Many of the researchers they quote in their articles (suggesting that divorce will doom your kids), ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT DIVORCE IS BETTER FOR KIDS than staying in a toxic home.

Marriage intensives such as Hope Restored may be helpful for people who need communication and conflict-resolution skills, but they aren’t suitable for couples where there is abuse. In fact couples counseling is unethical where there is abuse according to the experts. If these articles simply mentioned that nearly half of divorces in the U.S. are for very serious reasons, not just for boredom or feeling “unfulfilled,” they would paint a more accurate picture. This article does not even hint that divorce for abuse might be a good option. Nor does it say that divorce is better for kids than staying in these abusive homes. Part of the problem is that Focus on the Family offers only three condoned reasons for divorce (sexual immorality, abandonment by an unbeliever, and pre-conversion divorce), implying that any other type (for example, divorce for domestic violence or chronic emotional abuse or severe addictions or neglect) is unbiblical (e.g. prohibited or sinful). Yet LifeWay Research (the research arm of the Southern Baptist Convention) shows that nearly 3 in 4 Protestant pastors accept abuse as grounds for divorce and do not call it a sin.

These Focus on the Family articles on kids and divorce are UNSAFE for people in destructive marriages.

50 MOST POPULAR BLOG POSTS

Start Here

Physical and Emotional Abuse & Infidelity

God Allows Divorce to Protect Victims

How to Find a Good Supportive Church

Divorce Saves Lives: The Surprising (Wonderful!) Truth About Divorce Nobody Told You

Will I Ever Find Love Again? Dating After Divorce: Good News

Finding Happiness and Health After Divorce

Thriving After Divorce: These Christians Tell their Stories

Self-Doubt, Second-Guessing Ourselves, and Gaslighting

Children and Divorce: Researchers Give Hope

High Conflict Divorce and Parenting

Recommended Reading List and Free Resources for Christians and Other People of Faith

Best Books/Resources on Abuse, Infidelity, Parental Alienation, and High-Conflict Divorce

Common Myths

FREE

FOLLOW

Home Follow me on Facebook • Follow me on Twitter • Buy the book.
10 Key Highlights from the The Life-Saving Divorcebook: 10-minute video overview OR 10 Key highlights blog post
Request to Join the Life-Saving Divorce Private Facebook Group (Don’t forget to answer the 3 questions)
Subscribe (FREE) to my You Tube Channel
About Me Contact
Gretchen’s Life-Saving Divorce Interviews in the Media
Examples of 150 examples of types of abuse (physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, financial, and neglect) and explaining the term “gaslighting,” along with many first-person stories, read Chapter 4 in TheLife-Saving Divorce.

SIGN UP below for the email list for find out about helpful new blog posts, videos, and FREE Kindle book giveaways.

If you are a Christian (or devout person of faith) and you think you might need to divorce, even though you don’t want to, buy the Life-Saving Divorce.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

PAPERBACK KINDLE eBOOK

Sign up for the Life-Saving Divorce email list. (You can unsubscribe at any time.)

Are you going through a life-saving divorce? I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, “Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians.” Just click the link and ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS. This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it. Allies and people helpers are also welcome. I’ve also written a book about spiritual abuse and divorce for Christians. You may also sign up for my email list below.