Some Christian Marriage Authors and Counselors are Starting to Change their Minds about Physical and Emotional Abuse
Some Christian authors and speakers now accept physical and emotional abuse as biblical grounds for divorce. We need to honor their willingness to publicly change their view.
2021: David E. Clarke Ph.D. Retracts His Prior View of No Divorce for Abuse
On March 30, 2021, Dr. David E. Clarke posted a new podcast and video explaining that he has changed his mind about abuse. He now says physical and emotional abuse ARE valid grounds for divorce. He also states it in writing, and talks about his earlier view that divorce was only for unrepentant adultery and abandonment. Listen to minutes: 1:20-3:00.
I truly applaud Clarke’s change and this public declaration. Clarke says he’ll get criticism, but he doesn’t care. That’s courage, and I honor that. It may affect his income, he probably won’t get as many speaking gigs (although, frankly, maybe he will get more!). His books may not be recommended anymore. He may not be featured as a broadcast guest anymore. So he’s putting his money where his mouth is. He’s earned my respect.
Transcript of David E. Clarke’s announcement that he now condones divorce for abuse (and for adultery):
“Are you ready for some controversial teaching on divorce? Well I hope so because that’s what you’re going to get in this podcast today. ….
Today’s edgy topic: chronic abuse is a biblical reason for divorce. I’m not just going to tell you that; i’m going to show you why it’s true. Now I have a confession to make right up front. Until recently my position was that there were only two biblical reasons for divorce, unrepentant adultery as Jesus teaches, and abandonment by a non-Christian spouse which Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians. Now I believe that a wife (still do) has a biblical right to physically separate from an abusive husband. I wrote a book called Enough is Enough how to leave an abusive relationship with an escape plan for the abused spouse. But I did not think that ongoing unrepentant physical and or emotional abuse was a biblical reason to divorce. I do now. I do believe after careful study that the Bible does teach that chronic abuse is a reason for divorce, certainly for separation no question about that but now i believe it’s one for divorce too. I don’t recommend divorce, but you certainly are free to divorce if that’s your situation. God just has to release you from the marriage. Now i did not come to this conclusion easily or quickly. It took me years it came after careful study of the Bible, consulting biblical scholars I trust, and a lot of prayers seeking God’s guidance because it’s an important area the work that I do with couples and the sacredness of marriage i want to make sure it’s accurate. So on this podcast I present the biblical case for chronic abuse as the third reason for divorce…” https://youtu.be/Wclvy6uSXc0 March 30, 2021
This is a very important change of heart and I’m so glad that Dr. Clarke did it.
Now for the next step:
David E. Clarke Ph.D. needs to remove his earlier destructive messages
Some of David E. Clarke’s earlier articles and videos, posted prior to March 30, 2021, were the opposite. He needs to renounce and retract these:
—1. Clarke should demand that Focus on the Family remove his 2018 article, “Do You Really Want a Divorce?”
In this old 2018 post (which Focus on the Family just re-posted with a April 2025 date, making Clarke look like a liar), Clarke suggests that divorce is universally destructive to kids, which is incorrect. Major family researchers found that divorce is likely the better option when the home is highly toxic. Those who hold this view include Dr. Judith Wallerstein, Dr. Paul Amato, Dr. Andrew Cherlin, Dr. Sara McLanahan, Dr. E. Mavis Hetherington, and Dr. Linda Waite. These are all top researchers quoted by Focus on the Family in their online articles.
Link to the post as it appeared in 2018: https://web.archive.org/web/20200810215601/https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/5-reasons-you-dont-really-want-a-divorce/. Notice that, other than the formatting, the articles are the same.
2025: Clarke reaffirmed his divorce-for-narcissistic-abuse position on his own Facebook page after Focus on the Family re-posted his old article
Believe it or not, Focus on the Family re-posted that old 2018 article, using a new date (April 19, 2025), confusing people and making it appear that Clarke went back to his old view of no-divorce-for-abuse. So he had to write a new Facebook post (below) on May 25, 2025 to reassure people he still was in favor of divorce in some cases. He also did an excellent podcast on May 25, 2025, affirming his view that he *always* recommends divorce when a person is married to a narcissist. He also says that too many Christians discourage adultery victims and abandonment victims from divorcing. He stridently says that pressure these victims to stay is incorrect. He also believes in remarriage for the innocent spouse. He does mention that he likes Focus on the Family, but says he views them positively and has a lot of his posts and videos on their site. (Note: Focus on the Family doesn’t condone divorce for physical abuse, narcissistic abuse, or emotional/verbal abuse.)
– 2. Clarke should remove his September 2020 YouTube Video Calling Abuse Victims Who Divorce “Stupid.”
In this video dated September 7, 2020, which appears on his own YouTube channel, Clarke says that abuse victims who claim to want a divorce to protect their children are believing a “Lie, Lie, Lie.” (00:15)
He also says, “…my response? A bad marriage is better than no marriage at all.” (00:24).
As of June 1, 2025, David E. Clarke Still has Not Removed These Old Messages—It’s been 4 years!
So, next time you see David E. Clarke post online, please post a comment like this one (use your own words):
Hey, David, I so much appreciate your change of mind on this issue. And I recommend your book ENOUGH IS ENOUGH often.
But have you taken down your OLD videos on YouTube where you call abused mothers “stupid,” for divorcing? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMk-y6ThkOk (minute 00:15).
We know that doesn’t match your current views.
Please also ask that Focus on the Family remove your OLD 2018 article, “Do You Really Want a Divorce?” where you suggest that divorce is universally destructive to kids, which is incorrect. Major family researchers found that divorce is likely the better option when the home is highly toxic. Those who hold this view include Dr. Judith Wallerstein, Dr. Paul Amato, Dr. Andrew Cherlin, Dr. Sara McLanahan, Dr. E. Mavis Hetherington, and Dr. Linda Waite. These are all top researchers.
Please remove your OLD September 7, 2020, YouTube Video calling abused mothers who divorce “Stupid.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMk-y6ThkOk
In this video you says that an abuse victims who claim to want a divorce to protect their children are believing a “Lie, Lie, Lie.” (00:15)
You also say, “…my response? A bad marriage is better than no marriage at all.” (00:24).
We know that doesn’t match your current views.
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