Critique of Misleading Articles on Divorce, Parents, and Kids

by gbaskerville | Feb 26, 2021 | Christians and Divorce, Focus on the Family, Myths

Who is this post for? For people who are divorced or considering it and want to defend themselves against misleading articles

This page is for you if you are in destructive marriage and are thinking about divorce. Yet every time you read Christian articles condemning all divorcees as quitters who took the easy way out and suggesting your marriage can be fixed if you just pray more, you get confused. Today we’ll look at each of the articles in detail and figure out what’s wrong.

About me:

If you’re new to my blog, read this first. I’m a committed Evangelical Christian. I attend church weekly and volunteer leading Bible studies. I started leading Christian divorce recovery groups in conservative churches in 1998. Despite what we were always taught, I discovered that the vast majority of divorces are NOT for frivolous reasons. I write about “life-saving divorces,” those divorces that are for very serious reasons. “Life-Saving Divorces” make up nearly half of divorces in the United States. Read the definition HERE. If you want to know why you should should have a nuanced view of divorce, see THIS. And here is the biblical rationale for condoning divorce. Although I believe many divorces are frivolous, I also believe there are justified divorces that are a gift from God to protect vulnerable spouses and their children.

Click On The Headline To See The Critique

The authors’ wording is shown in black type. The critique is in red.

Click → ANALYSIS of “How Could Divorce Affect My Children?” (Focus on the Family article)

This article is a train wreck. I call it the most dangerous article on kids and divorce. It attempts to persuade you that divorce is universally destructive to kids and that divorcees are selfish quitters who don’t care about their children’s wellbeing. The result is humorous. You’ll laugh out loud. Almost every researcher the author quotes, in real life believes that divorce is likely good for kids if the home is high-conflict. But what makes this article scary and sinister is that this has been common knowledge among family sociologists since the 1990s, long before the article was written in 2007. The author chose to hide it from us. How can I make that claim? Because nearly every fact I use to refute this was found in the same study or book the author quotes, often just a few pages away. Maybe the author wants you to click on that ad at the bottom for a $3000 marriage intensive.

Click → ANALYSIS of “Why And How To Pursue A Healing Separation” (Focus on the Family article)

There’s so much wrong with this article, it’s hard to know where to start. But like many such articles, all blame and focus is on the wife. She sinned, repented, and changed. Hardly any spotlight is shined on the abusive husband with a long history of rage-filled behavior. Experts on male domestic violence tell us that it takes 2-10 years of intensive therapy for an abuser to change. But in this story, the abusive husband goes to two counseling sessions and it all magically seems to turn around! Who would have thought it was that easy! (Oh, and the author is promoting a particular counseling program run by the organization where her husband is a vice president.)

Click → ANALYSIS of “Dear Wife Who Wants to Leave Her Husband”

This article tries to terrify women who want to divorce by claiming that divorce will “crush and demolish” what little happiness their kids have in life. In reality, researchers know that a divorce that ends a high-conflict marriage is likely good for kids’ wellbeing. But, hey, the author is trying to sell her book. (Get a load of the book title. Yikes!)

Click → ANALYSIS of “Dealing With Your Child’s Divorce” (Focus on the Family Article)

This article started so well. I really thought this Christian leader would show love and care for his daughter who married a troubled dude. But sadly, the dad just gives the poor-me routine and acts like he’s the victim. He also suggests he and his wife might get a divorce virus from his little girl, and it might affect their marriage. (Oh, and with zero irony, he suggests you pay $6,000 for the marriage intensive he founded, despite his inability to fix his son-in-law after multiple one-on-one meetings.)

Click → ANALYSIS of “An Amazing Secret To Marriage Success”

This silly article claims that fewer than 1 in 100 couples who pray together ever divorce. Though the author claims to have scientific proof, she doesn’t tell us where to find this remarkable evidence. This claim is all over the internet like an urban legend, but never a link to the research. Where’s Snopes when we need it? (Oh, and for just $25, the author will teach you how to pray.)

These Critiques Follow U.S. Copyright Law

They show the errors in these articles by comparing them to genuine scholarship and research.
They include humor, sarcasm, and snark (Jesus and Paul and the prophets did the same to the liars and con-artists in their day too, so I’m in good company).
They fall within the copyright law of “Fair Use Doctrine.” Under the Copyright Act, the fair use of copyrighted material without permission is allowed when used for the following purposes:
- Criticism;
- Comment;
- Scholarship and research
- Parody

Are you going through a life-saving divorce? I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, “Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians.” Just click the link and ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS. This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it. Also, sign up for my email list below.

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