🕊️ Weekend to Remember Marriage Retreat: Can it Fix a Bad Marriage?
FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember (WTR) is one of the most recognizable Christian marriage retreats in the United States. It is promoted by CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ). According to founder Dennis Rainey of FamilyLife, more than 1.5 million couples have attended the event over four decades. To see my second article, with lengthier comments from participants, go here.
On the official marketing website, WTR is described as a “getaway” for “any couple that dreams of a deep and fulfilling relationship with their spouse.” Whether you “can’t keep your hands off each other or can’t look each other in the eyes,” WTR promises to provide “lifetime tools to strengthen your relationship—no matter how firm or fragile.”
However, the organization also includes a key disclaimer at the bottom of one page:
“We recognize that not all couples are in a healthy enough spot to apply the tools we offer over the weekend. Please know that we do not condone abuse of any kind. If there is any form of abuse in your marriage, we believe separation is a necessary first step to protect the life of the abused and get both the abused and the abuser the help he or she needs.”
That distinction matters. While the event is marketed as a resource for all couples, its own language clarifies that it is not therapy and not intended for marriages with abuse, trauma, or serious dysfunction.
There’s no publicly accessible “quiz” or formal assessment on their website that helps couples determine if their marriage is beyond the scope of WTR (i.e., in crisis, abuse, or severe trauma). So how do people know whether this is right for them? They don’t.
📊 Survey Findings: 156 Weekend to Remember Participants Speak
In 2023, I conducted an independent unscientific survey of 330 people who had attended a variety of marriage intensives and retreats. Of those, 156 respondents had attended Weekend to Remember.
Nearly 7 in 10 of those WTR attendees said they later divorced, separated, or plan to separate or divorce.
WTR was also the retreat most frequently described as having manipulative sessions. The closing vow-renewal and forgiveness exercises were mentioned dozens of times as being emotionally coercive, particularly for spouses in unsafe or betrayed relationships. Legally, the vow renewal and forgiveness documents can cause problems in divorce court later, which is explained here.
However, just as in my other review of Weekend to Remember, some attendees shared positive takeaways, especially if their marriages were already stable. They appreciated the retreat’s hospitality, faith-based framework, and chance to reconnect away from distractions.
| Marital Status (Informal 2023 survey) | Number of WTR Respondents | % of WTR Attendees |
|---|---|---|
| Divorced | 77 | 49% |
| Separated | 28 | 18% |
| Married and not happy | 27 | 17% |
| Married and happy | 16 | 10% |
| Married (unspecified) | 4 | 3% |
| Married with plans to divorce or separate | 2 | 1% |
| Divorced and remarried | 1 | 1% |
| Widowed from happy marriage | 1 | 1% |
| Total | 156 | 100% |
💔 How Many “Weekend to Remember” Marriages Were in Crisis?
Nearly 1 in 4 attendees came to Weekend to Remember seeking help for deeply destructive marriage issues — the kind explicitly outside the retreat’s stated scope (since FamilyLife advises separation in cases of abuse). Many others hinted at serious problems but didn’t list specifics.
These included references to abuse, pornography, affairs, betrayal, control, emotional neglect, addiction, trauma, or deep trust damage.
“I was dealing with the abuse and pornography of my husband and thought this retreat might help him see it.” — Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“Restoration (didn’t know I was in abuse).” — Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“That my husband would see the pain he was causing and repent.” — Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“Trying to save it after an affair and realization that he didn’t want to change.” — Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“I didn’t understand the abuse cycle then, but I thought this retreat could teach him empathy.” — Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“For healing and help with our inability to talk about the affair.” — Separated
Others hinted at serious problems but didn’t spell them out:
“To help us communicate better so my narcissistic husband would listen.” — Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“That he would hear from someone else what needed to change.” — Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“To strengthen or repair our marriage.” — Divorced (I filed for divorce)
😔 Abuse and Safety Concerns at Weekend to Remember
One of the strongest themes in participant feedback was the lack of safety awareness and failure to address abuse dynamics. Many said the content treated all marital issues as communication or forgiveness problems, even when deep harm was present.
“Harmful to covertly abused wives.” — WTR participant, divorced
“It’s terrible to assume the audience is full of safe, repentant spouses. That’s a deadly mistake.” — WTR participant, divorced
“If you are dealing with a destructive spouse, the vow renewal and forgiveness parts are manipulative and unsafe.”
— Divorced (I filed for divorce)“I loved the idea. But did it stop him from his abuse? No.” — WTR participant, divorced
While FamilyLife’s official statement on abuse is commendable, many participants reported that it didn’t translate into the weekend’s actual teaching or tone.
🔍 Key Insights on Communication and Intimate Sharing at Weekend to Remember
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97 participants of the 156 said they were asked to share their personal fears or insecurities during the retreat.
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87 of those (~90%) reported that their spouse did not use those disclosures respectfully afterward. (6 of these said their spouse was respectful only for a short time before reverting to old patterns.)
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10 participants said their disclosures were handled respectfully.
Several participants noted in open comments that this exercise worsened dynamics in already unsafe relationships — giving controlling spouses new emotional leverage.
🛑 Lack of Individualization and Responsiveness
Many respondents described the retreat as impersonal, large-scale, and one-size-fits-all. They said the scripted workbook format didn’t address complex realities like addiction, deception, trauma, or control.
“It was too large, and we didn’t get any advice that fit our situation.” — WTR participant, divorced
“I think it might have been fine for someone in a healthier relationship.” — WTR participant, divorced
“An event for emotionally mature people who want encouragement, not for those who’ve been lied to or betrayed.”
— Separated (legally or not)
These experiences suggest that while the retreat offers structure and consistency, it’s better suited for enrichment, not for crisis repair.
🙏 False Hope and Unrealistic Expectations
Several respondents described how the retreat temporarily lifted their hopes — only to make things worse later when real problems remained unresolved.
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4 in 10 left feeling hopeful,
2 in 10 felt no real change, and
3 in 10 left hurt, confused, or hopeless.
The remaining 1 in 10 reported mixed or unclear emotions.
In short, fewer than half left with a sense of genuine improvement or safety.
“It just made me more hopeful, which encouraged me to stay in something I should have left sooner.” — WTR participant, divorced
“It was discouraging as I had hopes it might make a difference, but it just made me feel more pressure to stay.”
— Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“I remember something about how all our struggles were supposed to end with a recommitment ceremony. I couldn’t fake it anymore.”
— Married and not happy, but feel it’s best to stay
“At the time(s) I always felt it was helpful. I just realize now how unsafe that forgiveness talk was for me back then.”
— Separated (legally or not)
“I don’t remember much about the content, but definitely remember being uncomfortable during the public exercise.”
— Married and not happy, but feel it’s best to stay
“It doesn’t and won’t help emotionally destructive marriages. The forgiveness parts were painful, not healing.”
— Separated (legally or not)
“If you are dealing with a destructive spouse, the vow renewal and forgiveness parts are manipulative and unsafe.”
— Divorced (I filed for divorce)
“Back then I didn’t even know someone could be emotionally abusive. I thought my discomfort during those sessions was my fault.”
— Married and not happy, but feel it’s best to stay
Without trauma-informed teaching or accountability tools, hope can feel like pressure for victims of betrayal or abuse.
👥 Sex and Intimacy Overemphasis
While many couples attend WTR seeking renewed intimacy, several participants said the sexual content felt awkward or mismatched for marriages dealing with emotional distance or trauma.
“At the time, I was so desperate for help and the focus on sex felt tone-deaf to what was actually happening.” — WTR participant, divorced
For stable couples, these sessions might be energizing; for wounded ones, they can feel minimizing.
🌅 Where Weekend to Remember Still Helps
Despite its limitations, Weekend to Remember did earn praise from some attendees who were not in crisis. They said they valued:
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A faith-based reminder of marriage priorities.
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Structured time for private conversations.
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The break from daily routines and reconnection with their spouse.
As one respondent put it:
“I think it might be a great weekend for good marriages needing a tune-up. It just wasn’t what mine needed.” — WTR participant, divorced
Nearly three-quarters (72%) of all WTR participants said they were “not at all likely” to recommend the retreat to others. Only 6% rated it a 4 or 5, indicating strong satisfaction or recommendation intent.
These positive reports support FamilyLife’s intended audience — couples who are functioning but disconnected, not those dealing with abuse or trauma.
⚖️ Bottom Line
Weekend to Remember’s marketing claim — that it helps marriages “no matter how firm or fragile” — is inspiring but potentially misleading if taken literally. And the marketing claim that says whether you “can’t keep your hands off each other or can’t look each other in the eyes,” is irresponsible.
Even FamilyLife’s own disclaimer makes clear that it is not built for abusive or severely damaged relationships.
For couples who are reasonably stable and simply need a spiritual “reset,” the retreat can be a worthwhile experience. But for those in destructive, unsafe, or trauma-laden marriages, WTR may feel invalidating or even harmful. There are some free self-quizzes online to alert you to possible issues: https://lifesavingdivorce.com/selftests
In short: Weekend to Remember can strengthen a healthy marriage — but it cannot save a destructive one.
Sources & Verification
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Survey (2024): Independent, informal survey of 330 past marriage-intensive participants (unscientific). Of those, 156 attended Weekend to Remember.
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Outcome Data: Nearly 70%+ of WTR attendees reported being divorced, separated, or planning to separate/divorce.
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Official WTR Sources:
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FamilyLife Weekend to Remember FAQ – “Any couple that dreams of a deep and fulfilling relationship … whether you can’t keep your hands off each other or can’t look each other in the eyes.”
- Weekend to Remember Overview Page – “Find lifetime tools … no matter how firm or fragile.”
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Abuse disclaimer: “We recognize that not all couples are in a healthy enough spot… we do not condone abuse of any kind.”
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#WeekendToRemember#FamilyLife#MarriageRetreats#FaithBasedCounseling#ChristianMarriage#MarriageTrauma#AbuseAwareness#SpiritualManipulation#HopeAndHealing#RelationshipHealth
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