Weekend to Remember: Honest Stories from Real Attendees
This is my second collection of firsthand, anonymized reviews from Christians who attended Weekend to Remember (WTR), the marriage retreat created by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, co-founders of FamilyLife under Cru (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ). See the first one here.
I lead a private online support group of more than 6,000 Christians and other people of faith navigating separation or divorce from abusive, unfaithful, or addicted spouses. I asked them to share their experiences with this popular marriage conference—what helped, what hurt, and whether it ever addressed their concerns about safety, infidelity, or coercion.
Their answers were candid and eye-opening. Many described pressure to sign a “covenant” or participate in emotional exercises that felt manipulative. Others found small glimpses of hope. These stories reveal the real impact of Weekend to Remember—far beyond the brochures and polished testimonies.
🟩 Positive or Mixed Experiences at Weekend to Remember
Hopeful but Still Hurt
I really liked it! I agreed with everything that was presented. I have recommended my daughter go to this because it’s the only marriage conference that actually got to the heart of issues. Emphasized ways we sin against each other. I don’t remember once hearing wives submit to your husband. Not at all like that! I loved the covenant of companionship concept I got here!
The moderators were very honest and open about infidelity and other sins of the husband and encouraged getting help if trust was broken. It gave me hope! It helped me work on some of my own issues. And my husband did try to make changes, but he is just bound in sin. It’s not this conference that hurt anything but him!
My husband and I were supposed to go back up to our rooms and write letters confessing sin and asking forgiveness. Honestly, it’s the best letter I’ve received from him. Later, we went up to the room and he proposed to me. Honestly, I told him “no.” He was crushed. I told him if I had to start over again I wouldn’t have said yes. It would take time to rebuild trust.
A Bandaid, Not a Cure
We attended once in 2019. In the overall summary of our relationship I call it “a good bandaid.” Maybe one where the wound didn’t get cleaned first though.
Led to Marriage Commitment
We did when we were dating, and it actually caused my husband to want to get married because we were living together.
Nothing New or Helpful
I went on a Weekend to Remember around year six of marriage. I don’t remember much, but my husband thought everything they were teaching was amazing and I just thought it was common sense. I didn’t get why everyone thought it was life-changing.
Answered Prayer for Clarity
We went to WTR about five months into our year-long separation, after never having gone to any marriage seminar in 25 years. Before WTR, I prayed for God to show me clearly and with no doubt whether I should reconcile or proceed with divorce. I didn’t go expecting God to change my ex, just to give me clarity. Before the last morning session, he started screaming at me while I was curling my hair. What normally would have reduced me to tears just made me feel thankful for the confirmation. After the last session, I drove off knowing I would never again live with or accommodate this man—and it felt wonderful.
🟥 Negative Experiences at Weekend to Remember
Triggered and Hopeless Afterward
I did & it was awful! Triggered him big time! We still stayed married but one thing I remember was they told the husbands that they need to still date their wives. He told me “what’s the point?” I remember pretty much giving up on trying counseling & trying to fix our marriage after that statement. But I stayed married to him for a long time after that. Trauma bond at its finest.
Covered Up and Ignored Abuse
Yes. Twice. It covered things up the first time. Second time was a nightmare. The abuse was never addressed or admitted to and continued to get worse. I signed the oneness because I thought that was the godly thing to do; he never signed it. I actually loved writing him the letter. His were all lies. Yes, we did the “you’re not my enemy” thing and he made it a thing that I did to him and I cringed inside because he really was the enemy. He abused me. But I could only feel it, not see it at the time. I stayed until he divorced me because I was the awful one. Through biblical counseling and Leslie Vernick’s book (with my biblical counselor), I realized what I had been living was abuse and I filed a protective order. He’s denied everything and no longer is a Christian.
Abuse Excused as Leadership
We went twice.
No, it gave him more justification for the imbalance of power and abuse.
Too many cons.
Nope, not once [did they address abuse].
I thought it would fix our marriage but it just gave him more ammo for his controlling behavior.
I did not feel pressured to do it but it was gross and cringy and didn’t get us anywhere closer to healing.
Forced Vow Renewal
Went many years ago.
Nothing in my marriage changed after attending the event.
I don’t believe these issues were addressed. I would remember if porn was addressed because that was a main issue in my marriage.
Definitely felt pressured and uncomfortable. He wrote me the long love letter, not because he wanted to, but because the leader/assignment told him to do it. I listened and then said, “I’ll believe it when I see it in action.” I also absolutely hated the spontaneous vow renewal at the end. I looked at the floor and refused to participate. A spontaneous vow renewal does not fix the marriage problems. It was so cheesy to me.
Unsafe Date, No Help
We attended almost 20 years ago. During our date, we went to a restaurant and I almost had to call 911 because he was being so aggressive and scaring me. The conference didn’t help us at all. Perhaps it helps couples in non-abusive marriages?
Painful with Abusive Husband
Yes! With an abusive husband… it was so painful. I actually put the work in and did deep work. His was superficial and blaming.
Refused Letter, No Awareness
We did. Honestly, I think I’ve blocked out a lot of it. I remember that my ex refused to write the letter. He said, “I’m just not a good writer. I show love through my actions.” He wasn’t very cooperative. I was very sincere, he wasn’t. I wish it had talked about the signs of abuse. Maybe I would’ve realized it sooner? Or maybe it would’ve made things worse?
Triggered and Unchanged
We did it. We weren’t in a really bad spot yet so it wasn’t horrible. I can’t remember most of it, just being triggered by one of the activities. I don’t remember what he said or did, just how it made me feel. It didn’t make much difference in our marriage after the weekend.
Missed the Real Issue
Almost every marriage thing we went to left me feeling like there was some way I could fix this if I was just more ___. It didn’t really address serious issues. The best experience we went to was Retrouvaille—it had great potential, but my husband never followed through on anything.
Anger and Guilt Afterward
We attended two. At the first one, he got so angry the first night in the hotel room that he broke his cell. He acted all excited about the conference & wanted to be a leader for their Bible Studies. When I suggested it might not be a great idea, he got angry & said I never supported him. The second time he refused to stay at a hotel overnight—we just drove there both days. I did sign the rededication thing the first time & even had our two kids sign as witnesses. All that did was make me feel hugely guilty when the marriage kept not working. I tossed all my books from it as soon as I divorced.
Still Abusive Afterward
Went to one that my sweet mother-in-law paid for as a gift. Nothing changed; he was still abusive afterward. I don’t remember that many specifics.
Minimal Participation, More Brainwashing
We did early in our marriage between baby #1 and #2 and after an inappropriate behavior with another woman that was “innocent and nothing happened.” I don’t remember much, except my husband marginally participated and I was more brainwashed about what “love” looks like.
False Hope and Manipulation
Yes we attended. It gave me hope to stay married. I did not understand the abuse that was going on at the time. No abuse or “real issues” were ever addressed. It just pushed both parties to commit to staying together. I came home hoping to see change—but no change ever happened. It just prolonged the time before we started really dealing with what the real issues were. Ultimately, we divorced over porn addiction, prostitutes, and abuse. FamilyLife doesn’t deal with real issues like abuse or infidelity—it just puts frosting over the top and pushes commitment.
Toxic Dynamics Reinforced
We went twice, once before kids and once a few years ago when things were rocky and I knew he had narcissistic tendencies. He wanted to skip sessions, didn’t take it seriously. We did enjoy our lunch dates together. When I asked him afterward what he learned, he said that it’s important for him to be involved in what friends I have and not to be friends with divorced people. It doesn’t work for toxic marriages.
Dangerous and Spiritually Abusive
I attended one. I look at it as the absolute turning point in our marriage—and not for the better. My marriage was abusive before, but this conference gave him all the tools he needed to further abuse me in the name of God. I was consistently challenged to be open and vulnerable with someone it was unsafe to be that way with. He used it all against me despite signing the commitment at the end. It was downright dangerous and I will never, ever suggest it for anyone seeking healing.
Traditional Gender Roles and Control
We went at least twice in my first marriage. The first time we left halfway through. It may have been that I brought up abuse in some of the discussion questions and he got offended. That was part of his abuse—making me miss things that were important to me. A few years later we went again and it was ok, but it didn’t help much. They hold a pretty traditional view of complementarianism and submission and the husband leading.
Manipulation Disguised as Faith
I was being mentored by an older lady and she offered to pay for us to go. We were at such a low point that I told him that we either go to this or we get a divorce. Wish I would have gone for the divorce then! What I can say is that this gave him the words to manipulate me for the next 10+ years.
Affair Covered, Image Polished
It was an ordeal. My husband was actively cheating. I begged him to go with me. They never addressed infidelity, abuse, or anything—it wouldn’t have been safe for the truth to have been told because they wanted happy couples all weekend long. The exercises were a joke when your husband is actively cheating and lying. But it made him look so good—saying “well, he tried.” It was a weekend to remember, all right.
False Hope and Bad Theology
Yes. It was awful. Just like all the rest of them. The false hope. The wrong doctrine. The loss of money. The wasted emotion. Uggg. God of Heaven please make us and keep us free!
Hope Deferred, Abuse Ignored
I don’t remember when the first one we went to was, but somewhere along the way before our first major crisis. At that time, I thought it seemed good. After that, went again twice taking our daughters and their fiancés when they got engaged. And again after discovery of his adultery and all his “confession, repentance, vows of change, and doing anything for the future.” Came home, began teaching their marriage Bible studies (but in reality it was just me). He never took any of it to heart. Fifteen years later, it ended in divorce. Abuse wasn’t covered at all. It didn’t help anything.
Problematic and Unbiblical
Problematic and unscientific/extra-biblical teaching. Went in fall of 2016.
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