I thought it was God’s will for us to marry. I prayed earnestly. I asked for God’s guidance. I sought counsel from trusted Christians and believed I was following the Lord’s leading. Like many believers, I entered marriage convinced that God had brought us together—and that obedience guaranteed safety, faithfulness, and blessing.
So what do you do when that marriage later becomes unsafe?
What happens when the person you married—once loving, repentant, or seemingly godly—develops a pattern of betrayal, abuse, deception, or cruelty? What if the vows you made are no longer being honored by the person who made them? When a marriage becomes emotionally, spiritually, or physically destructive, many Christians don’t just question their spouse’s behavior—they question God.
Did God make a mistake?
Did I misunderstand His will?
Did I ignore a warning sign?
Am I being punished for a past sin?
These questions torment sincere believers. And unfortunately, the church often answers them poorly—by implying that if God “ordained” the marriage, then enduring harm must also be God’s will.
But Scripture tells a far more nuanced—and hopeful—story.
The Bible is filled with examples of people who were genuinely chosen by God and later rejected His ways. King Saul is one of the clearest examples. Saul was hand-chosen and anointed by God. For a time, he ruled well. But over time, Saul became prideful, deceptive, violent, and destructive. He broke covenant with God repeatedly. Despite the prophet Samuel’s prayers, Saul did not repent in a way that led to lasting change. And God withdrew His blessing from Saul’s kingship.
Was Saul chosen by God? Yes.
Was it right for him to be king—for a time? Yes.
Was God right to remove him when he became destructive? Yes.
The same principle applies to marriage.
A marriage covenant requires two people to remain faithful, humble, and safe. When one spouse persistently violates that covenant through abuse, infidelity, or cruelty, the covenant itself has been broken. Scripture does not teach that God requires one spouse to be destroyed in order to preserve the appearance of marriage.
God is not confused by human sin. He does not bind victims to treachery. Throughout the Bible, God repeatedly removes His blessing from relationships that become destructive—and He provides a way out for the innocent.
For a deeper biblical explanation of how Scripture addresses abuse, covenant-breaking, and divorce, see chapter 6 in The Life-Saving Divorce.
BONUS:
Just for fun, here’s an example of a famous pastor, John Piper, making the the same false claim.
Reminder: in the Old Testament, King Saul was:
- —The RIGHT king
- —The HAND-CHOSEN king
- —The God-ORDAINED king… at first.
But his own lies and deceit caused God to reject and replace him with David the shepherd.
God withdrew his blessing from King Saul’s life.
The same goes for a spouse who sin, betrays, and cheats. Perhaps God withdraws his blessing (in the form of a godly spouse—YOU) from his life.
Your spouse may have been a person who behaved with integrity at the beginning of your marriage. Your decision to marry them was likely bathed with prayer and blessed by your church. But having their name on a wedding certificate isn’t a magical spell that prevents them from taking the wrong path and sinning repeatedly and deliberately. And we’re not talking about the run-of-the-mill sins such as being in a bad mood and snapping at someone or some other sin that causes little or no injury. We’re talking about the marriage-endangering sins that do damage to the safety, love, and respect in the marriage.
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