Focus on the Family Does Not Condone Divorce for Abuse
Abuse Is Acknowledged — But Never Named as Biblical Grounds for Divorce
Updated Jan 26, 2026—For decades, Focus on the Family (FOTF) has presented itself as a trusted Christian authority on marriage, family, and faith. Millions of believers — including abused spouses and parents trying to protect their children — have turned to Focus expecting biblical clarity and moral courage.
What they receive instead is something far more dangerous.
Focus on the Family USA does not, in doctrine or practice, condone divorce for abuse—physical or emotional. Even in cases of child sexual exploitation, their recommendation remains reconciliation, not divorce.
Instead, Focus relies on selective Bible wording, shifting criteria, and fear-based theology — especially the repeated claim that “God hates divorce” — to pressure victims toward reconciliation with dangerous people.
This blog post documents how that happens, why it matters, and why it is profoundly anti-family.
The Core Reality Focus on the Family Tries to Obscure
Abuse Exists, but Victims Are Not Given Moral Permission to Leave
Let’s be clear from the start:
-
Focus on the Family acknowledges abuse exists
-
Focus on the Family does not recognize abuse as biblical grounds for divorce
See links to their policy and screenshots below.
Reconciliation Is Framed as the Righteous Christian Choice — Even in Dangerous Marriages
-
Focus on the Family frames reconciliation as the preferred moral outcome, even in cases involving sexual abuse of children
-
Focus on the Family has never clearly granted victims moral permission to permanently leave abusive marriages
This is not accidental.
It is the result of deliberate theological framing.
Focus on the Family’s Official Divorce Policy (What They Want You to See)
The Three Claimed Biblical Exceptions for Divorce
As of recent years, Focus on the Family states that Scripture allows divorce and remarriage in three situations:
-
When a divorce occurred prior to salvation
-
When one’s spouse commits sexual immorality (but apparently this isn’t enough because FOTF adds other requirements)
-
When an unbelieving spouse willfully and permanently abandons the believer
Why “God Hates Divorce” Is Placed Before Safety or Nuance
This list is presented immediately after the declaration:
“God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).”
That sentence comes first — before nuance, before exceptions, before any mention of safety.
This ordering matters.
Abuse and Divorce: Abuse is Mentioned, Yet Excluded from Biblical Allowance
“The Bible Doesn’t Address Abuse” — A Theological Sleight of Hand
Focus often claims, defensively, “We do talk about abuse.”
Yes — they do. But how they talk about it is the issue.
In their official materials, abuse is handled in a separate section — not as biblical grounds for divorce, but as a tragic circumstance that requires:
-
safety,
-
counseling,
-
pastoral guidance,
-
and “next steps.”
Abuse Is Treated as a Pastoral Problem, Not Covenant-Breaking Sin
Crucially, Focus explicitly states that “the Bible doesn’t address abuse specifically” in the context of divorce.
That single sentence does enormous damage.
It allows Focus to:
-
sound compassionate,
-
avoid naming abuse as covenant-breaking sin,
-
and withhold clear moral permission for divorce and remarriage.
Abuse becomes a pastoral problem — not a biblical violation.
Why “God Hates Divorce” Functions as a Weapon Against Abuse Victims
How Fear-Based Theology Silences Women and Endangers Children
Focus on the Family repeatedly leads with this phrase—even when replying to a woman who has discovered her husband has repeatedly violated girls under their own roof:
This is not a neutral theological statement. It functions as:
-
a fear trigger,
-
a conversation stopper,
-
and a moral cudgel against already-terrified victims.
It is almost always deployed before:
-
acknowledging abuse,
-
naming danger,
-
or prioritizing children’s safety.
The Malachi 2:16 Translation Problem
Even more troubling: the phrase itself rests on a disputed translation of Malachi 2:15–16. Many modern scholars and Bible translations (ESV, CSB, and NIV 2011 update) do not render the passage as “God hates divorce.” The text condemns treachery, violence, and covenant betrayal — not the act of divorce itself.
Focus treats this disputed wording as settled doctrine — because it serves their purpose.
How Focus on the Family Adds Requirements to the Biblical Grounds for Divorce
Adding Requirements Scripture Does Not Add
Focus doesn’t simply list biblical exceptions. They narrow them.
Examples include:
-
requiring that sexual immorality be paired with “unwillingness to repent,”
-
insisting abandonment must be “willful and permanent,”
-
and placing the burden of proof on the victim to determine intent.
These qualifiers are not found plainly in Scripture.
They function to raise the bar so high that most abuse or betrayal victims never qualify.
Why Victims Are Forced to Prove Their Abuse Is “Bad Enough”
The result? Victims internalize the message:
“My situation isn’t bad enough yet.”
That delay costs lives.
Focus on the Family and Pedophilia: Where the Line Is Crossed
Wives of Child Molesters Are Told “God Hates Divorce”
This is where the moral failure becomes unmistakable.
Focus on the Family has:
-
counseled wives married to men who sexually abuse children,
-
told them that “God hates divorce,”
-
urged reconciliation as the first and faithful choice,
-
and avoided clearly affirming divorce as morally permissible.
Focus does not say, “You must stay married to a pedophile.”
What they do is far more insidious.
They say:
-
God hates divorce,
-
abuse is tragic but not explicitly biblical grounds,
-
reconciliation is the goal,
-
and divorce is, at best, a heartbreaking concession.
Why Encouraging Reconciliation with Pedophiles Is Anti-Family
Any organization that tells a mother married to a child molester that “God hates divorce” while encouraging reconciliation has forfeited the moral right to call itself pro-family.
The Permanence-of-Marriage View Focus Continues to Platform
Although Focus claims to allow exceptions, they repeatedly platform authors and pastors who teach the permanence-of-marriage view — the belief that divorce is never biblically permitted.
These voices:
-
minimize abuse,
-
spiritualize suffering,
-
and frame endurance as godliness.
Promoting Zero Grounds for Divorce While Claiming Exceptions
The message victims hear is not what’s written in policy statements — it’s what’s emphasized, repeated, and rewarded.
The subtext is clear:
Staying married matters more than staying alive.
Why the Shifting Language Matters — and Why It’s Not the Main Issue
Across All Versions, Abuse Is Never Biblical Grounds for Divorce
Yes, Focus on the Family official divorce policy has changed wording over time.
Yes, they’ve rearranged sentences and softened phrases.
But the shifts are not the story.
The story is that across all versions, one thing remains constant:
Abuse is never named as biblical grounds for divorce.
The wording shifts exist to maintain that outcome while appearing compassionate and nuanced.
That is not confusion.
That is institutional self-protection.
This Is Not Pro-Marriage. It Is Anti-Healthy-Famiily.
Healthy families do not:
-
require children to live with sexual predators,
-
demand women submit to violence,
-
or call endurance of terror “faithfulness.”
Any theology that prioritizes preserving a marriage contract over protecting human life is not biblical — no matter how many verses are cited.
The Question Focus on the Family Refuses to Answer
Does God Prioritize Marriage Contracts or Human Life?
After decades of counseling, publishing, and fundraising, Focus on the Family still avoids the most important question:
Does God care more about preserving marriages — or about protecting the vulnerable people inside them?
Scripture answers that clearly.
Focus does not.
A Final Word to Abuse Survivors
If you are in an abusive marriage:
-
Your life matters.
-
Your children matter.
-
Leaving is not a sin.
-
And any theology that tells you otherwise is lying about God.
###
Appendix — Screenshots and LInks to Focus on the Family’s Ever-Shifting Divorce Policies
For years, Focus on the Family has presented itself as a trusted evangelical authority on marriage and divorce. Countless Christians—many of them in deeply destructive marriages—turn to Focus expecting clear, biblically grounded guidance.
What they encounter instead are shifting, internally conflicting messages: changing requirements for “biblical grounds,” contradictory public statements, and a recurring tendency to platform authors who teach the permanence-of-marriage view, even while Focus officially claims to allow divorce in certain cases.
This post traces years of history and explains why the problem is not merely confusion—but theological and pastoral incoherence with real-world consequences.
The Current Official Policy (2026)
As of 2026, Focus on the Family states that Scripture allows divorce and remarriage in three situations:
-
When the first marriage and divorce occurred before salvation
-
When one’s mate is guilty of sexual immorality
-
When an unbelieving spouse willfully and permanently abandons the believer
The policy opens with the claim that “God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16)” and emphasizes God’s desire for healing and reconciliation before listing these exceptions. It also includes a separate section titled “A note about abuse and divorce,” in which Focus acknowledges abuse but states that “the Bible doesn’t address it specifically,” urging victims to seek safety and pastoral counsel rather than naming abuse as biblical grounds for divorce.
On paper, this sounds measured. In practice, it reflects a long pattern of hedging, reframing, and contradiction.
January 2026 version
A Brief History of Focus on the Family’s Divorce Positions
2019: Two Reasons—With Added Restrictions
In mid-2019, Focus publicly stated that divorce was biblically permissible only for:
-
sexual immorality, and
-
abandonment by an unbeliever.
However, even then, they added conditions not found in the biblical text, such as requiring that sexual immorality be paired with “unwillingness to repent and live faithfully with their marriage partner,” and insisting abandonment must be “willful and permanent.” (How would anyone know that abandonment was permanent until the end of their life?)
These qualifiers quietly narrowed access to divorce while maintaining the appearance of biblical fidelity.
2021: A Third Exception Appears
Sometime between July 25, 2019 and January 1, 2021, Focus on the Family changed their statement to add a third exception: divorce that occurred prior to salvation. This was framed as a theological accommodation based on becoming a “new creation” in Christ.
This addition marked a significant shift. The Bible had not changed—but Focus’s interpretation had.
Confilcting and Parallel Messaging: “The Permanence of Marriage”
During the same period, Focus’s Mission and Values page affirmed “the permanence of marriage,” a phrase that—within evangelical theology—often signals no acceptable grounds for divorce at all.
At minimum, this created confusion. At worst, it functioned as a backdoor endorsement of the permanence view, contradicting Focus’s stated exceptions.
2026: A Rhetorical Hardening, Not Doctrinal Clarity
The current 2026 policy does not introduce new exceptions. What has changed is how the policy is framed.
-
“God hates divorce” is now front and center as the controlling theological lens.
-
Abuse is acknowledged—but carefully kept outside the list of situations where “Scripture makes allowance for divorce and remarriage.”
-
Victims are urged toward safety and counseling, but not explicitly granted biblical permission to divorce or remarry.
This structure matters. Abuse is treated as a tragic pastoral complication—not as covenant-breaking sin worthy of the same moral clarity afforded to adultery or abandonment.
The Malachi 2:16 Problem
Focus repeatedly anchors its position in the phrase “God hates divorce,” citing Malachi 2:16. Yet this wording is highly disputed
As I document in detail elsewhere, the Hebrew text of Malachi 2:15–16 is disputed, and many new modern translations post-1996 (the ESV, CSB, and 2011 update to the NIV) no longer render the verse as “God hates divorce.” The passage condemns treachery, where a man hates and divorces his wife unjustly.
By choosing this “God hates divorce” interpretation of Malachi 2:16, Focus discourages careful biblical engagement and reinforces fear-based decision-making among vulnerable believers.
Platforming the Permanence View—Again and Again
Despite claiming three biblical exceptions, Focus has repeatedly platformed authors, pastors, and speakers who teach that divorce is never biblically permissible.
These voices:
-
minimize abuse,
-
redefine suffering as spiritual virtue,
-
and frame staying married at all costs as faithfulness to Christ.
The result is a mixed message:
“We allow divorce in some cases—but we’ll keep amplifying voices that say you never should.”
For abuse victims, this is not theoretical confusion. It is paralyzing. And note that Focus on the Family, despite doing interviews on abuse, never say that abuse is a valid reason for divorce.
Abuse: Acknowledged, Yet Theologically Isolated
To be clear: Focus on the Family does mention abuse. But the way they do so is telling.
-
Abuse is not listed among biblical grounds for divorce.
-
Focus explicitly says “the Bible doesn’t address it specifically.”
-
The solution offered is safety, separation, counseling, and “next steps”—not moral permission to fully exit the marriage.
This framing places abuse victims in a perpetual gray zone: affirmed as suffering, but denied theological clarity.
The Real Issue: Incoherence, Not Compassion
The problem is not that Focus wants to preserve marriages.
The problem is that their theology and wording choices do not align.
-
They say God hates divorce—but Scripture sometimes commands or permits it.
-
They allow exceptions—but surround them with discouraging qualifiers.
-
They acknowledge abuse—but refuse to name it as a covenant-breaking reason for divorce, despite Exodus 21:10-11.
-
They claim to believe in 2 or 3 valid reasons for divorce—while promoting articles written by Christian leaders that promote zero reasons for divorce.
For an organization that fields thousands of calls from desperate spouses, this lack of clarity is not benign.
Conclusion: What Focus Still Hasn’t Resolved
After years of revisions, Focus on the Family has not answered the central question:
Does God care more about preserving a marriage contract—or about protecting the lives and dignity of the people inside it?
Until abuse is treated not merely as a pastoral complication but as a biblical violation with moral consequences, Focus’s divorce guidance will remain unstable—and unsafe for many who rely on it.
Confusing Messages: Three, Two, or Zero Reasons for Divorce?
On the Focus on the Family Mission and Values page they claim they hold “The Permanence of Marriage.” In Evangelicalism, this phrase has a particular meaning: that there is no divorce for any reason. And the description offers no exception. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/about/foundational-values/
Changing the Bible: Making it harder for wives of abusers, cheaters, and pedophiles to divorce
Further, the president, Jim Daly, states in a major 2019 public video for people in desperate marriages that “God hates divorce in every case.” This is truly tragic because a desperate marriage probably involves abuse or adultery or child molestation or family-crushing addictions. (See image below.) The Bible never says God hates divorce in every case. In fact, the Bible commands divorce three times, and only prohibits it once. Divorce is never mentioned in any list of sins in the Bible. But here is the president of Focus on the Family telling abused Christians that God disapproves of all divorces. No wonder so many of their listeners are suicidal. They feel trapped for life with a cruel spouse.
What’s wrong with these people?
Then, several months ago Focus re-posted on Facebook a 2018 article from a mega-church pastor suggesting there were no valid reasons for divorce. We readers and donors are getting whiplash.
So Focus on the Family contradicts their own position.
Thousands of abused wives (and husbands) look to Focus on the Family for reliable and godly information. What does Focus believe? What are we to believe? Focus seems to be confused.
According to their IRS filings, their phone counselors get calls from people who are “Potential suicides, cases of spouse abuse, and child molestation…” In Aug 2021, they claimed to get about 50,000 phone calls in the prior 12 months. If your daughter were married to a child molester, would you want her to call an organization that say that God “hates divorce in every case”?
Focus on the Family’s Bizarre Stance on Pedophiles
PEDOPHILIA: Focus on the Family discourages divorce if the husband is attracted to children and molests children. Here is a critique of their article on “Pedophilia in Marriage” where they say “God hates divorce, ” but NEVER say “God hates child sexual abuse.” And in that article, they never mention that sexual immorality is grounds for biblical divorce according to Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:9), even though they mention it elsewhere on their site.
Ex-wives of pedophiles tell me they’ve called Focus on the Family with their story of a child-molesting husband. Some were not advised to leave, like this young mother of three who was married to a batterer and child rapist. https://youtu.be/FBITqZRfETU Sometimes their phone counselors do tell physically abused wives to “leave,” “get to safety,” or “separate,” but they say that it is temporary and that reconciliation is the goal.
Focus on the Family uses their STOP DIVORCE message to bring in donations.
This expensive advertisement says: “Broken Couples need your help! STOP DIVORCE! Just $30 can save a marriage from divorce.” It appeared on the Merriam-Webster Dictionary website, not on their own site. Focus on the Family is spending people’s donations to pay for these advertisements. There is no mention of exceptions for sexual immorality, domestic violence, or abandonment.
Can We Count on Focus on the Family to Give Good Advice to Suicidal or Abused Spouses?
They claim to get many phone calls from suicidal spouses and those trapped in abusive marriages. Imagine the horror of telling a friend to call Focus on the Family, only to discover that Focus pressures them to stay married!
Focus on the Family explanation of their services on their IRS Form 990 for 2014.
Focus on the Family needs to get change their official policy and the way they discuss divorce because their stance endangers Christian parents and children. Thousands of people in desperately troubled marriages call them, but if they cannot ever suggest DIVORCE for physical or emotional abuse, they are trapping Christians in marriage (or separation) for the rest of their lives, driving them into danger, despair, depression, and suicide-and damaging their children as well. Their viewpoint kills people through homicide and suicide. Their message destroys parents and their children.
Research has found that when divorce is difficult to obtain, suicide rates, domestic violence rates, and homicide rates are higher.
I believe that God gave divorce as protection for women in the Bible. Here’s my blog post and video on that.
:
:
Buy PDF