AI Is Not a Safe Place to Process Your Divorce

If you are going through divorce, especially an abusive or high-conflict one, I want to say this as plainly as I can: public AI is not your safe place.

New laws covering the use of AI have not yet been fully settled. Recent court decisions are a warning.

Did you hear about the October 2025 a federal court ruling in United States v. Heppner that the defendant’s interactions with an A.I. platform (Claude) were NOT protected by attorney-client privilege or the work-product doctrine.

The trouble was this: Mr. Heppner used AI on his own, after he was under investigation, to analyze facts, sketch defense arguments, and organize material he later shared with his lawyers. The court said those exchanges were not privileged because Claude was not his lawyer, the communications were not confidential given Anthropic’s data-use/disclosure terms, and the material was not prepared by or at counsel’s direction for work-product protection.

For a protective parent in divorce, that creates a real hazard: if they use a public AI tool to sort abuse evidence, test custody arguments, or paste in what their lawyer told them, those chats may become discoverable by the opposition — instead of private. That could expose strategy, reveal inconsistencies, or support a claim that privilege was waived.

In plain English, that can mean: you paste your real facts, fears, documents, and strategy into an AI tool like ChatGPT, Genesis, Claude, or Perplexity; those chats or files later have to be preserved, disclosed, or fought over; and the other side learns what you are trying to prove, what evidence you have, where your weak spots are, and what you were planning to do next. That can hurt your credibility, your privacy, your leverage, and in some cases even your safety. AI chats and files are retained for some period, and deletion is not always immediate or absolute because there can be exceptions for legal or security obligations.

If You Are a Protective Parent, Treat Public AI Like a Crowded Room

Public AI is not your lawyer, not your private journal, and not your evidence vault. Convenience is not confidentiality.

Do

• Talk to your lawyer directly.
• Ask your lawyer what technology is safe.
• Use official court websites and self-help resources for forms and procedure.
• Keep records only in folders, portals, or apps your lawyer approves.
• Use AI only for general education, with no private facts.

Don’t

• Paste in abuse details, custody strategy, timelines, finances, or lawyer advice.
• Upload names, dates, documents, or other case-specific facts.
• Ask public AI to “organize evidence” or “draft my case.”
• Assume deleted chats are gone.
• Assume helpful means confidential.

Keep Your Records Organized, But Keep Them Safe

Good divorce preparation often means gathering information methodically: children’s needs, assets, debts, income, expenses, and key documents. But that does not mean uploading sensitive material into a public tool. Organize records only in folders, portals, or apps your lawyer approves.

In The Life-Saving Divorce, I stress the importance of documentation in dangerous cases: “Start documenting now. Don’t just delete his hate-filled accusations, the name calling, and the threats. You’ll need them as evidence later.”

What If You Already Used AI for Divorce-Related Matters?

Stop putting in case-specific facts right now. Then take a breath and move carefully.

What to Do Now

• Tell your lawyer exactly what you entered.
• Name the tool you used and when you used it.
• Tell your lawyer whether you uploaded files.
• Tell your lawyer whether the system produced summaries, timelines, drafts, or strategy notes.
• Preserve the record before changing anything: export chats, save screenshots, and note uploaded documents or connected apps.
• Ask your lawyer what to keep, what to delete, and what may need to be disclosed.

The order matters. In some cases, deleting material too early can create fresh problems. Let your lawyer guide that decision.

A Practical Script for Your Lawyer

“I previously used [ChatGPT or Perplexity or Claude] and entered information about my divorce, custody, or abuse situation. I saved the chats and have not deleted anything yet. Please tell me what to preserve, what to stop using, and whether anything needs to be disclosed or cleaned up.”