Do my pastors have a say about me getting a divorce?

Many pastors are well-meaning and caring, but they are completely naive about the deceit and tactics of charming spouses who abuse, cheat, or are addicted. Many pastors love the Lord and believe in miracles, but they are unaware of the health dangers and safety dangers (to you and your children) of living long-term with such a person.

 

Many Pastors are Well-Meaning but Overly Idealistic

Many pastors are hyper-optimistic and convey a confidence that God will fix all highly destructive spouses, if you just pray and try harder. These pastors are often good and moral people themselves, and they lack discernment about abusers, addicts, and others with characterological problems. They've never seen the damage up-close. So some of these unsophisticated pastors are overly trusting that change can and will happen. Sadly, they are risking your life by doing so.

Many Pastors are Well-Meaning but Ill-Informed

They also live with the misconception that only a small handful of marriages are highly destructive, and it would be obvious to everyone which marriages these are. They were never told that about half of divorces in the U.S. are for very serious problems. They have a bias that people who attend their church, and listen to their sermons, couldn't possibly be hardened abusers. It's easy for them to quote Bible verses to you, but it's YOUR life.

 

Your Pastor's Life is Not in Danger. Your Life Is!

It's not their sanity, their reputation, their body, their children, their financial stability, or their safety. You are the one who has everything to lose. And only you know what's going on behind closed doors. Only you know when enough is enough. Only you can decide that trust is gone, and there's no sensible reason to believe your betrayer will change. A well-trained pastor will help you get to safety. They will ask: What do you need? What are you afraid of? How can I help?

 

A Good Pastor Supports Victims. A Misinformed Pastor Pressures You to Stay in Danger 

 

Further Resources:

Also, read Chapter 8 in my book, The Life-Saving Divorce: It gives 35 Traits of a Safe Church.

 

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