If I Divorce, Will My Kid’s Marriage End in Divorce, Too?
Most adults whose parents divorced do not divorce. They are likely to have lifelong marriages.
The majority of people whose parents divorced have lifelong marriages. However, children from divorced homes are a bit more likely to get divorced than children of married parents.
According to 2018 figures [1]—
- Most people who marry never divorce.
- 53 in 100 of children whose parents did divorce, had lifelong marriages. (They had a 47% divorce rate.)
- 60 in 100 of children whose parents did not divorce, had lifelong marriages (They had a 40% divorce rate.)
In other words: There’s very little difference between these two groups, only 7%. The gap has narrowed in the past 25 years.
If I Divorce, Will My Kids View Marriage as Disposable?
No, it's not likely, not if you needed a life-saving divorce.
We were told that a divorce would make our children view the marriage commitment as unimportant.
It doesn't. Children of divorce still value marriage commitment IF their parents' marriage broke down due to serious problems (adultery, abuse, addictions, for example, not boredom).
Top family researchers have studied this, and here's what they say:
“… parental divorce may not undermine offspring's commitment to marriage if it ends an especially discordant and aversive parental marriage.” [2]
Sources:
- Nicholas H. Wolfinger, “Trends in the Intergenerational Transmission of Divorce,” Demography (Sept. 1999): 415-420. Updated with 2018 data via personal correspondence April 2020.
- Dr. Paul R. Amato, Danelle D DeBoer, “The Transmission of Marital Instability Across Generations: Relationship Skills or Commitment to Marriage?” Journal of Marriage and Family, p. 1050
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Does God Hate Divorce? God Gave Divorce Due to Hardhearted Abusers & Betrayers
- Myth: Divorce is the Unpardonable Sin and "God Hates Divorce"
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Physical and Emotional Abuse & Infidelity
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- Severe Emotional Neglect: Toni’s Story of Finding Freedom (video)
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- Help! I Am Alone with the Abuser
God Allows Divorce to Protect Victims
- Jesus' Greatest Divorce Sermon - Luke 13 (or watch the Video)
- Pastors Who Accept Physical and Emotional Abuse as Grounds for Divorce
- Myth: The Person Who Files for Divorce Caused the Divorce
- Haven’t Our English Bibles Always Said, “God hates divorce”? No.
- Jesus Said, "Love My Enemy"—Can I Still Divorce Them?
- But I Thought it Was God's Will for Me to Marry this Person!
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- Myth: Divorce is the Unpardonable Sin and "God Hates Divorce"
- Myth: Your Divorce Will Shatter the Image of Christ and the Church
- Myth: You Must Forgive and Forget Over and Over, Forever
How to Find a Good Supportive Church
- Pastors Who Accept Physical and Emotional Abuse as Grounds for Divorce
- 7 Ways to Know if a Church is Safe for Abused Wives (or Abused Husbands)
- Do My Pastors Have a Say about Me Getting a Divorce?
- Good vs. Bad Pastoral Counselors on the Topic of Marital Abuse: 40 People Tell their Stories
What If My Pastor Says It Would Be Wrong to Get Divorced for Abuse?
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- 1 Million God-honoring Divorcees Cannot Find a Good Church
- Church Denominations and Divorce Policies Comparison Chart
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- Myth: You Don't Take God-Ordained Marriage Seriously
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- Southern Baptists make Evangelicalism Unsafe for Abused Wives & Husbands
- How Churches Should Handle Abuse Victims (video with Pastor Neil Schori)
- List of Every Known Puritan Divorce in Massachusetts between 1639 and 1692.
Divorce Saves Lives: The Surprising (Wonderful!) Truth About Divorce Nobody Told You
- Your Kids Will Likely Be Fine After Divorce (Nearly 8 in 10 Are!)
- 10 Facts Evangelical Pastors MUST Know about Kids and Divorce [VIDEO]
- There Is No Divorce Crisis. We have a Sin Crisis.
- Myth: 95% of Divorces are for Falling Out of Love
Will I Ever Find Love Again? Dating After Divorce: Good News
- Will I Ever Find Love Again?
- Dating after Divorce: An interview with Gina Kaye
- I Fear I'll Never Find a Healthy Relationship
- Remarriage after Divorce: How Can I Claim to be the Innocent Spouse? I Had My Faults Too!
Finding Happiness and Health After Divorce
- Will the Kids and I Ever Be Happy Again?
- Happiness Either Way: Remarriage or Staying Single
- Divorce May Improve Your Health: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts and Medical Issues
- How My Health Improved Dramatically After Divorce: Karen’s Story (video)
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Thriving After Divorce: These Christians Tell their Stories
- Christians Finding Peace after Divorce: Shirley Fessel, Author (Audio) or (Video)
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- Finding Joy after a 40-Year Abusive Marriage (video)
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Self-Doubt, Second-Guessing Ourselves, and Gaslighting
- Am I the One Destroying the Relationship?
- How Can I Call Myself the Innocent Spouse? I Wasn’t Perfect Either (video)
- Is Pointing Out Marriage-Endangering Sin Being Judgmental? (video)
- Myth: He Wouldn't Cheat or Watch Porn if You Gave Him More Sex
- Myth: You're Lying: We'd All Know If Your Spouse Was That Bad
- Myth: It Takes "Two to Tango" and "All Marriage Problems are 50/50"
- How to Handle Criticism When You Divorce (video-3 parts) Natalie Hoffman, Gina Kaye
Children and Divorce: Researchers Give Hope
- Is it Best to “Stay for the Kids”? Sometimes, yes. But Not if It’s a Toxic Marriage
- Researchers Know Your Kids Will Likely Be Fine After Life-Saving Divorce
- 5 Studies That Say Your Kids are Likely to Be Okay After Divorce (video)
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- Myth 21: Divorce will Destroy Your Children, So Stay for the Sake of Your Kids
High Conflict Divorce and Parenting
- Research shows: Your Kids Will Likely Be Fine After Divorce: In Fact It’s Best to Divorce to Get Away From Abuse
- 12 Ways to Document and Protect Yourself in a High-Conflict Divorce
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- Myth: Divorce will Destroy Your Children, So Stay for the Sake of Your Kids
Recommended Reading List and Free Resources for Christians and Other People of Faith
Common Myths
- Myth: Your Marriage Would Be Great if You Just Submitted More
- Myth: Divorce will Destroy Your Children, So Stay for the Sake of Your Kids
- Myth: Divorce is the Unpardonable Sin and "God Hates Divorce"
- Myth: You Just Didn't Try Hard Enough
- Myth: You Don't Take God-Ordained Marriage Seriously
- Myth: Your Divorce Will Shatter the Image of Christ and the Church
- Myth: You Must Forgive and Forget Over and Over, Forever
- Myth: 95% of Divorces are for Falling Out of Love
- 27 Myths about Divorce That Probably Don't Apply to Committed Christians
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