If you're new to my blog, read this first.  I'm a committed Christian who started leading Christian divorce recovery groups in Evangelical churches in 1998. I write about "life-saving divorces," those divorces that are for very serious reasons. "Life-saving divorces" make up nearly half of divorces in the United States. Read the definition HERE.  If you want to know why you should should have a nuanced view of divorce, see THIS. And here is the biblical rationale for condoning life-saving divorces. Although I believe many divorces are treacherous and/or sinful, I believe a loving God gave divorce to protect the lives of his beloved people, who are made in his image, by allowing them to get out of destructive marriages.


There is No Divorce Crisis. There is a "Marriage-Endangering Sin" Crisis

Shocking but true: We don't have a divorce crisis in the U.S. (The divorce rate is almost as low as it was 50 years ago. The high was in the 1980s.)


We have a "marriage-endangering sin" crisis. We have an adultery and abuse crisis. If every spouse stopped committing adultery, using violence or intimidation to get what they want, squandering the family rent and grocery money, and stopped abusing drugs/alcohol, our divorce rate would drop like a rock.

Now let me be clear: Are there frivolous immature divorces? Yes, there are. Are there treacherous divorces where one spouse runs off with their lover or decides to go back to the single party scene? Yes, of course.

But our Evangelical divorce rates will automatically drop when destructive sinful behavior in marriages drops. If half of divorces in the U.S. are due to a pattern of adultery, sexual immorality, physical abuse, emotional abuse, severe addictions, abandonment, or neglect, then that is the place to start. We need to discourage people with major marriage-endangering sins from marrying. They need to come before the Lord and work on their issues and prove themselves to be safe and reliable mates, rather than hoping that marriage will automatically change them. We need to educate young people to identify and avoid potential spouses, even fellow Christians, who have serious abuse, intimidation, coercion, addiction, or sexual immorality problems. We also need to give them permission to point out new or increasing marriage-endangering sins that emerge during the marriage.

Our churches need a nuanced view of divorce. We need to accept that some divorces are life-saving divorces for very serious things that are condemned in the Bible and given as valid reasons for divorce.  If we do not, we will continue to see Christian divorcees and their children leave because our churches aren’t safe for them.

You cannot reduce divorce merely by condemning divorce.
If you wish to reduce divorce you must reduce unsafe marriages.

Popular Posts:

What's a Life-Saving Divorce?

One Woman's Story: Adultery, Prayer, and the Bible

Interview: Finding Peace After Divorce - Ministry wife, Shirley Fessel, who divorced an abusive husband (AUDIO)

Will being more sexually available keep my husband from cheating, or watching porn, or molesting children?

List of 5 types of abuse.

Bible verses that condone divorce for serious reasons, including mental abuse.

The 27 myths of divorce that aren't likely true for godly Christians

"He Never Hit Me": Interview with a woman whose husband emotionally abused and neglected her

But I thought it was God's Will for Me to Marry this Person? I believe "God brought us together." But our marriage is so painful.

10 Turning Points: What is the "Last Straw" for Most Devout Christians. See OneTwoThree.

Children and Divorce: Why life-saving divorce is very good for children

How do I start dating again? I worry I'll never find anyone. 

Where can I find the book?

Examples of 150 examples of types of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and neglect) and explaining the term "gaslighting," along with many first-person stories, read Chapter 4 in the Life-Saving Divorce.

For a diagram of The Abuse Cycle, read Chapter 4.

For a video explanation of Malachi 2:16, showing better ways to translate that verse from Hebrew into English, see this video. 

For one woman's story about adultery and prayer and how God finally opened her eyes to leave, see this blog post. 

For another woman's story of escaping an adulterous marriage to a narcissist, read pages 176-177, or read this blog post Turning Point #1

For first-person stories and more on the 27 myths of divorce, read Chapter 3 in The Life-Saving Divorce. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.


For more on the myths of divorce, buy the Life-Saving Divorce.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.


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