If you're new to my blog, read this first.  I'm a committed Christian who started leading Christian divorce recovery groups in Evangelical churches in 1998. I write about "life-saving divorces," those divorces that are for very serious reasons. "Life-saving divorces" make up nearly half of divorces in the United States. Read the definition HERE.  If you want to know why you should should have a nuanced view of divorce, see THIS. And here is the biblical rationale for condoning life-saving divorces. Although I believe many divorces are treacherous and/or sinful, I believe a loving God gave divorce to protect the lives of his beloved people, who are made in his image, by allowing them to get out of destructive marriages.

 

There is No Divorce Crisis. There is a "Marriage-Endangering Sin" Crisis

Shocking but true: We don't have a divorce crisis in the U.S. (The divorce rate is almost as low as it was 50 years ago. The high was in the 1980s. And no, it's not because the marriage rate has dropped.)

 

We have a "marriage-endangering sin" crisis. We have an adultery and abuse crisis. If every spouse stopped committing adultery, using violence or intimidation to get what they want, squandering the family rent and grocery money, and stopped abusing drugs/alcohol, our divorce rate would drop like a rock.

Now let me be clear: Are there frivolous immature divorces? Yes, there are. Are there treacherous divorces where one spouse runs off with their lover or decides to go back to the single party scene? Yes, of course.

But our Evangelical divorce rates will automatically drop when destructive sinful behavior in marriages drops. If half of divorces in the U.S. are due to a pattern of adultery, sexual immorality, physical abuse, emotional abuse, severe addictions, abandonment, or neglect, then that is the place to start. We need to discourage people with major marriage-endangering sins from marrying. They need to come before the Lord and work on their issues and prove themselves to be safe and reliable mates, rather than hoping that marriage will automatically change them. We need to educate young people to identify and avoid potential spouses, even fellow Christians, who have serious abuse, intimidation, coercion, addiction, or sexual immorality problems. We also need to give them permission to point out new or increasing marriage-endangering sins that emerge during the marriage.

Our churches need a nuanced view of divorce. We need to accept that some divorces are life-saving divorces for very serious things that are condemned in the Bible and given as valid reasons for divorce.  If we do not, we will continue to see Christian divorcees and their children leave because our churches aren’t safe for them.

You cannot reduce divorce merely by condemning divorce.
If you wish to reduce divorce you must reduce unsafe marriages.


Do You Need Support?  I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, "Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians." This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it. Allies and people helpers are also welcome. Just click the link and ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS.

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