Myth 4: You didn’t attend church enough.
TRUTH: Churchgoing doesn’t make dangerous marriages safe, and it doesn’t make dangerous spouses magically change.
This myth suggests you would have saved your marriage if you had attended church more or been more devout.
The truth is that people who go to church still get divorced, and the number of divorces among people who go to church—even those who go to church multiple times a week—are almost the same as the numbers of divorces among people who don’t. (You can read more about these facts in Chapter 2.)
Churchgoing doesn’t make dangerous marriages safe, and it doesn’t make dangerous spouses magically change.
A related myth is “I can convince my pastor/church to approve of my divorce, since they know I am a godly person.” In churches that don’t allow divorce for any reason, that effort is unlikely to succeed. You can talk to the pastor over and over, but at some point the old adage “You can’t fight city hall” is true. Many people find it best to make their own decision and switch to another church. (See Chapter 8 on finding safe churches in The Life-Saving Divorce.)
“The idea that pastors get to decide whether a woman is ‘abused enough’ to get a divorce is ludicrous.”