Does A Divorce Mean My Faith Is Weak?

No, not if you needed a life-saving divorce to save your life and sanity—and your children's.

In fact, it takes tremendous FAITH to say, "I will protect myself and my children because God loves us and cares about us." It takes tremendous faith to say, "I know there are people who oppose my decision, but I will do what I must, regardless of their disapproval.” You can say, "My faith in the Lord requires me to be wise and to reject spiritually manipulative messages that keep us in danger."


What kind of messages do we need to reject?

If your spouse has a pattern of behavior that shows that only their emotions, wants, and desires matter, and they have no care for your wellbeing, then you need to REJECT the messages that say—

  • "A person with a full measure of faith would stay and pray"
  •  “Your marital status matters more to God than you do.”
  • “If you were just righteous, God would answer your godly prayers and heal your marriage.”
  • “Don't give up before the miracle happens, because many people's marriages have survived.”

I'm not at all surprised when devout Christians tell me their marriage "survived" despite terrible betrayals and abuse. In our faith communities, there are messages that put enormous pressure on the victimized spouse to hold it together—at any cost, regardless of the destruction of the children's health and wellbeing.

These messages often are applied universally to all marriages, recklessly disregarding an abused spouse’s life and sanity. If the Lord is life-giving, and wants to release people from bondage, then telling people to stay and die isn’t in line with the heart of God, as you can see in this blog, and video.

God's Law Protected the Vulnerable Spouse

Staying is sometimes dangerous. The Lord knew that. Although God wanted marriages to be loving and undefiled, many are not. God gave a way of escape. Throughout Scripture, the Bible has laws that protect wives from men who wanted to take advantage of them or treat them with neglect or cruelty. (And of course, those laws protect men too.) Over and over Scripture allows—and even commands—divorce to extract these vulnerable women (and men) from their abusing, betraying, or grossly neglectful spouses.

Identifying Spiritual Abuse (The 27 Myths of Divorce)

There are at least 27 false messages that imply that people of great faith would stay in their marriage no matter how damaging it is to themselves and their children. (Some of these messages say that divorce is universally destructive to kids, which it is not. Divorce is actually good for kids if it gets them out of a tense toxic home.)

These messages suggest that only people of lesser faith would divorce. People and organizations that promote these messages may have good motives, but their advice also may have tragic consequences for the people they hope to serve. Divorce saves people from domestic violence, suicide, and homicide.

Did Jesus Want You to "Stay for the Miracle"? No.

People who want you to "stay and pray," miss one of Jesus' key teachings. We know of Satan's temptations of our Lord in the Wilderness. Remember the Three Temptations of Christ? The second is Satan tempting Jesus to throw himself off the pinnacle of the Temple in Jerusalem, saying that the angels will appear and miraculously rescue him "lest he dash his foot against the stones."


Jesus rebukes Satan for demanding God provide a showy miracle upon command, telling Satan, "You shall not tempt the Lord your God."(God doesn't like being manipulated, either!)


Jesus is saying it is a sin to go into danger (or stay in danger) and demand a miracle. That is testing the Lord your God. That is presuming on the Lord. It is acting dangerously and pretending it is faith.


It takes tremendous faith in the Lord to follow Jesus and defy well-meaning friends, pastors, and marriage-at-any-cost organizations who seek to shame us to stay in danger. Jesus showed this kind of courage when he healed the woman tormented by a Satanic spirit on the Sabbath. The religious leaders were furious, but Jesus defied them. And the freed woman gave glory to God.

You can be a wise and spiritually mature person and walk away from a destructive marriage to save your life and sanity. You too can give glory to God for releasing you from bondage.

For more about the false messages that trap people in dangerous marriages, see the 27 Myths of Divorce.  You can click on each one to learn more.

Are you going through a life-saving divorce? I’d like to invite you to my private Facebook group, "Life-Saving Divorce for Separated or Divorced Christians." Just click the link and ANSWER the 3 QUESTIONS. This is a group for women and men of faith who have walked this path, or are considering it.  Also, sign up for my email list below.


Start Here


Physical and Emotional Abuse & Infidelity


God Allows Divorce to Protect Victims


Does God Hate Divorce? No, Most English Bible Translations Don’t Say That


How to Find a Good Supportive Church


What If My Pastor Says It Would Be Wrong to Get Divorced for Abuse?


Divorce Saves Lives: The Surprising (Wonderful!) Truth About Divorce Nobody Told You

Will I Ever Find Love Again? Dating After Divorce: Good News

Finding Happiness and Health After Divorce


Thriving After Divorce: These Christians Tell their Stories

Self-Doubt, Second-Guessing Ourselves, and Gaslighting


Children and Divorce: Researchers Give Hope


High Conflict Divorce and Parenting


Recommended Reading List and Free Resources for Christians and Other People of Faith


Common Myths






GET THE BOOK! The Life-Saving Divorce is about divorces for very serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, life-altering addictions, abandonment, or severe neglect. This book will give you hope for your future, and optimism about your children. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.



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