TSMI 10 Turning points
Note about this "10 Turning Points" Series: A turning point is that eye-opening moment when you know you must get out of your marriage to save your life and sanity, and your children's. This series is based on my 20 years' experience as a Christian divorce recovery leader, and on interviews of people who love God, take their beliefs seriously, yet finally divorced. They hung on longer and tried harder than most people would have. They were in marriages where there was a pattern of adultery, sexual immorality, domestic violence, chronic emotional or verbal abuse, abandonment, or neglect due to addictions. These are the Life-Saving Divorces.
You can love God AND get a divorce.
And God will still love you. Really.

People of faith stay longer and endure worse treatment in these painful marriages than most people.[1] They often prefer a bad marriage to a divorce. And if they are surrounded by friends and family who value marriage at all costs, they are very hesitant to leave unless their lives are miserable… very miserable.

I feel honored when a person tells me their divorce story. It requires trust. If they are a Christian or any devoutly religious person, it is likely I’m going to hear a story of tremendous pain. Some of the stories have been so heinous they kept me up at night. Yet these dear women and men were willing to share, so that others could learn from their stories. They also wanted to give hope that there is life on the other side.


Turning Point 1. Fear: I Escaped and Never Came Back

Turning Point 2. Protecting My Children from Direct or Indirect Abuse

Turning Point 3. I Can’t Take it Anymore: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Medical Issues

Turning Point 4. Help! I Am Alone with the Abuser

Turning Point 5. This Really Is Abuse!

Turning Point 6. Someone I Respected Told Me I was Free to Go—If I Wanted To

Turning Point 7. An Old Friend Told Me I Was Worthy of Love, Not Disrespect

Turning Point 8. A Friend Walked with Me and Gave Me Courage

Turning Point 9. Prayer: God Told Me I Could Go

Turning Point 10. My Spouse Divorced or Walked Out on Me


I cover these 10 Turning Points in my book The Life-Saving Divorce, in Chapter 5, on page 176-197.


1  Two studies discuss this: Michal Gilad, “In God’s Shadow: Unveiling the Hidden World of Domestic Violence Victims in Religious Communities,” Rutgers Journal of Law & Public Policy 11, no. 3 (Spring 2014); and Leonie Westenberg, “‘When She Calls for Help’—Domestic Violence in Christian Families,” Social Science 6, (2017): 71.

For another first-person story of a woman whose husband cheated on her, read: Adultery, Prayer and the Bible. Find out how the Lord set her free.

Audio interview: Shirley Fessel, author of Redemption from Biblical Battering tells her story of finding peace after divorcing an abusive husband HERE.

For a discussion of the myth that a wife's submission will automatically make her husband love her more, read THIS. Or the myth that being more sexually available will keep a husband from cheating or watching porn or molesting children, read THIS.

For Bible verses that show that every type of abuse qualifies as biblical grounds for divorce, see this overview of Bible verses online. For a chapter on all the key passages in the Bible on divorce, as well as the Jewish and Biblical background, see Chapter 6.

For a list of 5 types of abuse see HERE.

For a chapter giving examples of 150 examples of types of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and neglect) and explaining the term "gaslighting," along with many first-person stories, read Chapter 4 in the Life-Saving Divorce.

For a diagram of the Duluth Wheel of Power and Control and The Abuse Cycle, read Chapter 4.

To find out about the 27 myths of divorce that aren't likely true for godly Christians, read Chapter 3 in The Life-Saving Divorce.  To see all 27 myths on one webpage click HERE

For a definition of life-saving divorces, read What is a Life-Saving Divorce?

For more on the myths of divorce, buy the Life-Saving Divorce.

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